Rusted Metal
by HUNTER OF THE SHADOWS
Summary: Al is gone and Ed returns to Rezembuhl to wither away. With his only family gone can he learn to live or will the beasts of his past consume him? I started this story before i saw the movie. Thus it is slightly AU
1. Chapter 1

He desperately reached out grabbing nothing but air. Sitting awake in his seat he was drenched in sweat, tormenting thoughts eating away at his mind like ravenous parasites. Every time he slept he awoke in this manner and every time he was plagued by the truth that awaited him. Too long he had dwelled in the past. Too long he had searched for the "Power of God." Too long he had been alone. For too long he had believed in a false truth.

The power of God was just that, the power of God. No mortal being was meant to give life to the dead, to forge a being from calculated measurements of minerals and no mortal being was ever under any circumstances supposed to be able to create God's battery of life, a soul. God had created everything, the trees, sky, birds and everything else in sight. What had man ever created? Had man ever created a soul? True the Homunculus had been created and true they were alive, but they could hardly be described as having a soul.

He shook the thoughts of an Immortal being who watched and cared from his head. Besides in his mind God was a tale told to people to keep them in line like cattle and sheep. One of man's deepest fears was to embrace the fact that life could be meaningless and that the purpose of life is to reproduce. Men constantly needed to be assured of their dominance over other animals. They needed to believe that some higher being was going to be there to watch them and insure that dominance. They needed to wake up, he, himself thought.

The darkness cradled his skin as a mother would but his attention was diverted away from its seemingly lifelike traits due to the small wisps of light that filtered through the closed shutter, warming his skin in a way the darkness never could. He opened the shutter completely so the light bore down into the room full bore eradicating the last of the shadowy caretaker. He sat back in his seat resting his head back and letting out a deep sigh.

He had come to the conclusion that his search was now at an end. He had decided that being a state alchemist was no longer important. He had decided that Colonel Mustang would have to investigate the matters of central alone. He'd decided to quit being a "Living Weapon" altogether. He'd turned in his state id-his alchemical pocket watch- however he had combined the actual one with his auto-mail arm and forged a copy to turn in. He had decided to return to Rizenbuhl. Alone.

As he sat in the seat of the train he stared out the window, gazing at the trees and wheat fields and the occasional farmhouse. Clouds above gently played games, melding into one another and breaking apart softly. The trip itself was a smooth one and he longed for some action, but somewhere deep inside him he felt the urge to go into the light willingly if an attempt was made to take his life. He glanced over occasionally however the seat was empty. Bad habit he had gotten himself used to he guessed.

The train was only minutes from his destination and he was still tormenting himself. He had to be strong, for Aunt Pinako and strong for…Winry. Ed really didn't want to do this to see the look on Winry's face; she had already learned true pain. The only family she had left was Pinako.

Making his way to the bathroom he felt eyes on his back and slightly considered glancing back, however the idea came and went as fast as a small breeze. When he entered the bathroom he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and he was compelled to inspect his reflection. He almost gasped in shock as he saw the person looking back at him. The face was his, from the blonde bangs that overhung his forehead to the mouth that so rarely smiled. Only one thing was different… the eyes. The eyes were dead and outlined with the consequence of a deprivation of sleep. His eyes didn't blink, they didn't twitch or sparkle, they just… stared with a lifelessness that the devil in all of his demonic glory could not muster or fathom.

He was lost in thought when the loud speaker broadcasted the arrival at Rizenbuhl and he hesitantly arose to feet. This was going to be harder than anything he had ever faced. How was he supposed to dump this on them both? Normally he would have ventured away; to some place else and left it behind him but that was no longer his outlook on this world. He wasn't coming here to burden them or to start a new life and act as if the past was gone. He wasn't coming here to start a family or search for new methods of human transmutation. He was coming here to die. He would build a house and he would live there until one day he would grow old and shrivel and wither away from the world of life.

The train station was hardly full, yet dozens of people still bustled about and he let the faces slip pat without a second thought. He was lost in thought, not as a genius would be but as a child would be in a candy shop would gaze at the jars of lemon drops and caramel chews. He was thrilled to be home, the happiest he had been in weeks. Probably the happiest he would be ever again.

After a few minutes the feeling passed as if it were just a chill passing through the station and he was turned back to all he had, despair and depression. Possessions he had grown accustomed to over the past few weeks.

He slowly traveled the countryside and he felt his stomach sink when he laid eyes on Pinako's house. This was the house where he had gotten his auto-mail limbs and the house where he was to explain everything. The house where he and Al had spent days with Winry playing games… being children. He seldom looked back at the cruelty of how that had been torn away from him… away from them all.

He reluctantly knocked on the door and his eyes sank to the ground when no one answered. He gazed off into the afternoon skyline. The world looked so peaceful. Such a lie should be deemed illegal. After all even on a microscopic scale war was constantly waged. The world was a harsh place and he had given up hope years ago.

He was roughly awakened from his thoughts as a wrench made contact with his skull. He just looked up and his eyes met those of his lifelong friend, Winry Rockbell. After all this time she had not changed, sure she had grown taller and she had matured more so than before but she maintained the innocence she exhibited after all these years. Her blonde hair was only two separate bangs that slipped out of her bandana and concealed her cheeks. It had been years since he had last seen her and in all this time she still possessed the same amount of worry as she always had, ever since they were children.

"Ed, why haven't you called!" her voice was filled with worry and concern and eventually settled into uncertainty. "What's wrong?" she asked as she noticed his lack of angry reaction to her assault. "Where's Al?"

He just stared at her and she began to cry with all her heart knowing very well that the last time she had ever seen that look on his face was years ago. The day he had lost his mother. The connection between their eyes felt as if lightning was flowing between them and she felt as if she couldn't move her feet from the floor. When she finally felt he legs twitch she took off down the steps and sprinted out the doors. She embraced him in a hug and cried into his shoulders partly for Al and partly for the look in Ed's eyes. The look in his eyes was unbearable. It looked as if the devil had reached in and plucked his heart out of his chest and held it to the heavens as an act of defiance and a challenge to the Lord himself. It looked as if the Lord had turned his back.

He failed to return the hug standing there as a statue would if it could be given life, uncertain of how to react to human contact. When she let go he stayed there briefly before collapsing and after a minute or so of silence he took her hands in his unable to lift his eyes from the ground.

"He's gone, …" he whispered in a voice that cut through her soul. A voice like that of an executed man who had comeback to life after experiencing the deepest, darkest bowels of hell and the price for his sins "…Winry… he's gone…for…good this time."

"I'm sorry Ed," she cried, her tears splashing the dirt in front of him. She loved Al as a brother and she was upset to see Edward not shedding a tear, however she knew him, he would not cry, no matter what the circumstance. "I wish he would have stayed here."

'So do I.' He thought, 'So do I.'

"Edward Elric," called a voice in the distance horizon. "What are you doing back? Shrimp."

Ed broke out of thoughts as he lifted his head to see who had called him. He rested his arms behind his head and sat back with his feet propped up on the railing. He could see two people making their way towards him and he slightly prepared for an attack before letting the idea slip from his mind.

As the couple approached he could make out the faces of John Kolc and his sister Lisa. Ed had attended school with John and Lisa years back. In fact John practiced alchemy as well however only on the side. Last Ed had heard he had become a doctor and his sister ran the family store.

John was a tall man around 6' 4" and he stood like a giant would after destroying one of the earth great cities. He was a built man who looked like a heavy hitter, yet his light blue eyes boasted an air of harmlessness that many people would indeed be compelled to trust under nearly any circumstance. He looked at Ed with eyes of friendship and confusion.

"Wow," he said with a hearty laugh. "I guess even you had to learn some anger control."

"Now John," Lisa spoke with a soft and heavenly voice that many would agree only belonged to someone who was no less than a goddess. Unlike her brother she was normal height and unlike her brother she looked friendly from her eyes to her sweet smile. "Edward's not that small anymore. He's grown. Can't you tell?"

True, Edward had grown to average stature but next to john he was still a "Shrimp." His figure had expanded too but he was still nowhere as big as John was. He had built muscle and he had become rather big for his size but he was not that large and he was glad for that. His speed would probably be cut in half in sacrifice for size. Besides, the size of the alchemist was not important the amount of knowledge he held in his mind however, was.

"How are you John?" he asked with fake interest and plastered smile, "Lisa?" he really didn't want company however he wasn't going to take out his pain on them. It wasn't their fault or their problem.

"Well we're doing good," John pronounced hands on his hips "Right Lisa?" he glanced over at his sister.

"Yeah," she said eyes watching the ground as if it were a poisonous snake threatening to strike at any given moment. "Just …fine."

"So," he removed his feet from the railing and folded his arms over his chest. "What's wrong?" he asked in a way implying that he knew they needed something so they should just get the point. They should know he had been reading what they were coming for since he saw them. All state alchemists regarded every situation with a complete analysis and examination all possible outcomes. Every outcome was predictable as long as you added up different factors in your head. Factors such as eye contact, speech, body language and things of those sorts could tell an alchemist the story of that person as long as the alchemist knew how to read the "words."

"Nothing," Lisa lied, "Why would you think that?" she brought her eyes up slightly to make contact with his and she forced a smile. He watched her hands twitch slightly at her sides. She looked on the verge of tears. From what Ed saw she was.

"Listen," he began to say in a tone that slightly demanded respect yet one that understood the awkwardness of asking a favor of someone. "Please don't question my intelligence. I can tell by the way you carried yourselves that something has happened. I can tell by the way you rarely make eye contact you feel shy and unconfident to ask something and by the way you shake and seem ready to cry I can deduct that what has happened could change your lives for the worst. And, by that look on your face I can tell that I am correct. I can also conclude that because you, Lisa, have come here with your brother either you both need something or you felt that the thought of leaving a woman without help might strike a place in my heart and persuade me to help. Or maybe it's a bit of both."

"So what are you saying?" John asked with his arms crossed and feet shoulder width apart. His gaze made contact with Ed's and he seemed unwilling to back down from his post.

"I'm saying" Ed smiled "you should just come out and ask. Stop beating around the bush so to speak. After all, no one ever achieved anything without giving something first. In this case in order to achieve you must first give me an accurate picture of what you want. I need to know what to do in order to help."

"Well first," John started "Can you help?"

"If you ask." Ed stood up and cracked his neck. He clapped his hands and transmuted a single rose handing it to Lisa. "But first you need to stop feeling depressed like you do and realize help is always around if you know where to find it."

"Well in order to ask your help we must first tell you why we need it." Lisa began "I hope you'll hear us out. It's a long story."

"I will hear you but I'm afraid you both will have to join me for dinner." Ed began "Otherwise I fear we might not have enough time."

"Sounds good." they agreed. They both seemed rather hesitant but then again they were going to have dinner with Edward Elric, the "Fullmetal Alchemist." He was the youngest alchemist in the history of the state. He was a legend throughout the country and rumors of his power spread throughout the land. He became known as an alchemist for the people. An alchemist who corrected the wrongs of the state's injustices to the people they were sworn to protect.

He watched them stroll off into the distance and when they had left his sight he stretched out and entered the house. He was greeted by Den who barked his appreciation that the alchemist was home and Ed patted him on his head.

"Hey Aunt Pinako," he shouted up the stairs "I'm having friends for dinner." He yawned and for the first time in days realized he was tired. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't slept in the past two days. Maybe it was the sitting around he was doing lately. Maybe it was this house. What ever it was he was dead tired. He might as well get some shuteye and besides the guests weren't to be here for hours leaving him with plenty of time to sleep. Not that he would sleep for hours.

Winry had made him a bed in the spare room across from hers and he was fully prepared to drift into a dream state. Ascending the stairs he stumbled a few times and he nearly tripped over the rug before laying a hand on the doorknob.

His hand stopped halfway through a turn and he paused for a second to remember in the last possible moment, Winry had switched her room to this one years ago. With his luck she'd be in the middle of changing when the door opened. He could see it now…the full metal alchemist turned to scrap at the hand of a twenty-year-old woman. He let go of the handle and made his way to the room opposite hers.

He made his way into the room and removed his shirt, exposing his bare chest. He glanced down at the auto mail that made up his right arm and let out a sigh. He hated the cold feel of his metal arm against his chest. It was so… wrong. He felt like a machine devoid of feeling, thought and emotion.

"Guess some things never fail to disappoint" he breathed aloud. "But then again."

Searching into the memories of his mind he recalled the image of a howling wolf and transmuted it into a miniature statue with a clap of his hands. "After all these years her auto mail never fails."

He plopped down on the bed and rested his head on his arms. The afternoon sunlight poured into the room and he was never able to sleep with light so he decided to close the curtain before drifting off to a world where the darkness reigned supreme, a world where everyone's nightmares were his dreams.

Most people dreamt of flying, falling, running things of those sorts. Ed hated dreams because he always became a first hand witness to fire and destruction, images of war with Ishbal. He had never been in that war yet the details were clear. He could make out Mustang's face, which was curled into that of a ruthless killer. Yet he saw a spark of life deep in those eyes. To this day Mustang's eyes sparked but he could see that hatred in his eyes. The odd thing was while most men developed a hatred for fellow man, Mustang seemed to adopt a hatred of bloodshed.

He could see innocent children being singed in his mighty blasts of heat and he could feel their pain and their fears as they died. Ed hated the dreams because he felt his skin being scorched and charred. The pain ate away at him like a pack of rabid wolves would. Every night he became acquainted with death and he had figured that this was his punishment for committing treason against the living world. He had tried to steal a dead soul from the world of the dead and harbor it in this world and so he was condemned to witness what he would be going to when he became decrepit and slipped from the living world.

He could see dark acid clouds high above and he could feel the bullets pumping into his chest. True death was only the begging. Not many would be able to handle the torment he endured mentally of this he was sure and of this he was correct. He figured that the reason he saw Roy in his dreams had something to do with their experiences of hell. They had become spirits of the same cause and they had become spirits whose fate was the same. They had tasted pointless bloodshed and understood that the orders of the state were not theirs and that they were just following the orders. They both understood however that even so they had committed murder and they both knew that innocent children had perished because of their own actions. They were in their own eyes worse than the beast himself.

The dreams always ended the same way as well, leading him to a single doorway. Through the pathway a low growl could be heard and mellow red eyes could be seen in the pitch black. The eyes would fade and the darkness would recede exposing a mirror and he stood there watching the child in the mirror, no older than ten, reacting to his every move. He would reach out and his hand would be inches apart from the child and with a force that always startled him bluish flames would engulf the being; engulf him, into a fiery grave.

Every night he awoke gasping because every night he experienced death through the eyes of another person. He let out a heavy sigh wishing his would come soon. His brow was lined and he wiped it off with his forearm. He glanced over at the clock and was upset to find that no less than twenty minutes had passed since he succumbed to his sleep.

He sat up and placed his feet on the floor and winced in pain at the stabbing sensation in his left shoulder and he rested his face in his hands. For all he knew his guest would want gold or diamonds or some jewel or currency and he would be without state immunity to perform such a task. Granted, if he transmuted gold with a state license he would get into trouble but the punishment would be a slap on the wrists compared to what he would face as a civilian.

He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling entranced by its floral design only to be disturbed by a knock on his door. Closing his eyes and breathing deeply he stayed still for a minute or so before arising and softly opening the door and was surprised to see Winry's face inches from his.

"Ed," she spoke softly "Get dressed. I'm taking you for a walk. NOW."

They had remained silent for the entirety of the walk and he disliked it, but he would have felt awkward to be the first to say something. It was just one of those times when words were of no use, considering he knew where she was taking him.

The trees were lightly rustling in the wind and happy birds were preparing to go cuddle up in their nest as the sun began to set, staining the sky with magnificent colors of oranges, reds and pinks. Farmers in the fields hurried to harvest the last crops of the day and they too would settle in for the night leaving the darkness to do its business and cleanse the world for the morning light.

Making their way along the dirt road Ed noticed that the wind had begun to pick up causing mini dust tornadoes and glancing out the corner of his eyes he saw Winry shiver slightly. He took of his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

She looked over and the words "thank you." Meekly escaped her lips. She slid her arms into the sleeves and buttoned it up, then proceeded to warm her hands in the pockets. She let her gaze shift to the ground and she let out a soft sigh.

Looking back to the road Ed could make out a familiar patch of land ahead and let out a sigh of his own. He always hated this part of town, and he knew that would never change.

"Feels good," he said aloud, stopping he put his hands on his hips. Smiling he stood there and gazed out over the plot of land. "Best feeling there is."

"What's that?" Winry asked puzzled at his break in proceedings. "What feels good?" She had no idea at all what he meant. They hadn't even arrived at the gravesite and he was smiling. Knowing where they were going he should have been depressed but he seemed happy. He seemed happy in a depressed way. It was then that she realized what he was smiling about. It was then that she realized where they were.

"Just feels good to be home." He laughed. "Just fells good to be home."


	2. Chapter 2

He gazed out towards the plot of land, softly chuckling. After all this time nature had corrected what he had destroyed and life now flourished where the house had once stood. Grass, wheat and saplings of trees had made it their home now and they blew gently in the wind towards him as if to taunt him and prove the past is not forgotten, it finds roots of life in the future.

Years had passed since Al and himself had returned to Rizenbuhl and many more had gone by since they had erased all traces of their childhood. Only the people of the town knew the truth and no one dared to dwell on that subject. Both brothers had set fire to the building and put it behind them, vowing that they had no home to return to.

Now he was laughing because he, one of the founders of that sacred bond had returned, not for a home but for a deathbed. He began laughing violently, holding his ribs and hunching over. After all this time he still had no home nor would he ever have one. Life was cold and cruel but that was how he liked it: heartless. Life was only concerned about flow and balance, not individual needs or wants. Nature refused to look at humans individually and only regarded them as a population.

For centuries alchemists had searched for the Philosophers Stone and for centuries it remained out of reach except for few instances and nature struggled to reassert the pattern that was torn apart by the seemingly unnaturally immoral deeds performed by those who possessed it. Because the Philosophers Stone could bypass all alchemical laws, it could create matter from nothing, which seemed naturally impossible.

As he continued to laugh, he was bombarded by mental images from his memory. They crashed in on him, leaving him utterly defenseless against their onslaught. They came and went but they wasted no time in leaving their mark. He continued to laugh hysterically, scaring Winry half to death.

Winry had never heard anyone laugh, as Ed was right then. It sounded like a banshee's shriek would if the soul snatcher were having centuries of it's history of tormenting humans wrought down on it a hundred fold, mixed with the wailing laugh and giggle of a rabid Hyena.

She let out a soft cry and tears poured off her cheeks splashing on the dirt below. She cupped her face in her hands as she collapsed to her knees and continued to cry as Ed continued to crack up like an insane killer, which reminded her completely of her run-in with Barry The Chopper. Ed had saved her and now when she was needed to rescue him she could be of no use.

From the corner of his eyes the world around him began to waver. When he would focus on the melting spots he would find them stationary and new spots would dissolve away. Every now and then an image would smack into him knocking the wind from him.

The first image he could fully comprehend was that of Al and Ed felt tears roll down his cheeks as he continued to laugh hysterically. He could almost feel Al's fingers as he was snatched through the gate, away from Ed and the world of life, leaving Ed with a sharp pain in his left knee and he collapsed t the ground, subsiding his laughter.

He began to see his mother and that thing he had transmuted as a child, feeling the pain that the created being felt when it was brought into the world of life against it's will. He could hear it's moans of agony and the image of Shou Tuckers chimeras danced throughout his head. He could see Nina/Alexander's charred remains on that alley wall and the words _"kill…me…I…want…to…huh…die…please…" _tore through his mind ripping pieces of his sanity away from him.

He convulsed in pain as a pang of agony shot throughout his right shoulder and he began to see Al's soul being snatched from the other side and planted into a suit of armor. He could feel Al's pain of having his entire being vaporized as equivalent exchange being brought back through as well and he began to feel his muscles tighten up as they cramped, unable to move due to the immense pain.

The images continually grew stronger and came faster bombarding his mind like machine gun fire. Just as soon as they would smash into his mind they would leave, causing him to see rapid images every second.

_Fire… Mustang… Scar… death… Ishbal… Armstrong… Hughes… Al… mother… Izumi… Nina… the gate… Philosophers Stone… Marco… Hohenheim… human transmutation… alchemy… soul experimentation… auto mail… destruction… pain… fear… anger… the Lord… the Beast…chimeras… Barry the Chopper…The Slicer… Lust… Greed… Gluttony… Envy… Wrath… Pride… Cornello…Winry… Pinako… past… future… emptiness… life…laboratory 5…secrets and lies… father… abandonment… alone… forgotten… screaming… burning flesh… "Be Thou For The People…" equivalent exchange… Full Metal. _

He let out a shrill scream and just like that the visions ceased. Removing his hand from his shoulder he felt warm and sticky as he realized his hand was covered in blood and his shirt was soaked in it. Standing up he realized he was standing in a pool of blood, which was cascading from his left leg on to the dirt road. Looking at Winry he just smiled and was engulfed in the darkness of unconsciousness.

When he awoke he was in the dark and his head rang with immense pain from the inside out. It felt as if he had been smacked with a wooden plank from behind and then again on the sides and front. Moving his hand to his forehead his eyes squinted in pain from his own touch so he retracted it and lay still, unmoving on the bed.

The images still flooded his mind, however they were only memories and no longer active allowing him to sigh with relief, although his attention was still drawn to the throbbing in his cranium. He closed his eyes and slid the covers down to his waist, which led him to realize he had no shirt on. Sitting up in bed he searched for a lamp to turn on and closed his eyes sharply when it illuminated on it's own accord.

"You were drenched in sweat and b…b … blood," Winry explained, stuttering softly. She dragged on slightly with the word blood and let her mouth hang open when she had finished. Ed could see that she had black under her eyes and the bloodshot led him to believe she had been crying. He smacked himself mentally and he looked up at her to see nothing but worry. "Your arm it…it…"

"Winry, what happened out there?" he asked gently "What about my arm?" the only thing he remembered was extreme intensive pain and blood. His arm was fine last he checked, so what did she mean. Reaching over with his left hand he made sure his auto-mail was intact and was relieved to find that it was.

"Ed," she began to say and then stopped, giving way to a cough, "Your arm had to be surgically affixed to you once again." She said before being overcome by tears. She sat with her face in her hands for a few minutes allowing Ed sometime to get a grasp on what she had just said. She let out tears for a few more moments, softly sobbing as if it were her fault. Sniffing back her crying she began to breathe deeply. "Ed it had to be attached again because it just… well it fell off after you fainted."

Ed sat perplexed absorbing what she had told him. How could his arm just come off? It had never happened before, why now? Was something such as what she spoke of possible? Could auto mail just, fall off? Maybe she was kidding, but then again, Ed had never known Winry to joke about anything so severe, and acting such as this was far beyond her drama skills. Ed knew without a doubt this was a serious matter.

He sat in silence for a few moments before standing up and grabbing his pants from the floor and slipping into them. He searched for a few seconds until Winry handed him his shirt and he fitted it over his head and slid his arms out of the sleeves. While he did this he grumbled at the twitch in his arm, upset with the new auto mail. He could tell that it was lighter and stronger; it just felt weird, like a new pair of shoes after four years of wearing the same old ones.

"Winry," he began to say while he slipped into his coat, " how long have I been out? Long?" he watched her bring her eyes up to his from the floor and he felt his heart collapse from the look in her eyes. She had obviously been up more than a day and it hurt to see her look like this. "Never mind," he said walking over to her and helping her then proceeding to escort her to the bed. Sitting her down on the mattress, he took her shoes off and softly forced her to lie flat on the bed. He finally pulled the covers up to her shoulders and closed the curtains as he made his way to the door. "Get some sleep" he spoke softly and with that, he closed the door leaving her in the dark, to rest.

'What the hell happened?' he thought ' since when does auto mail just drop off the wearer?' he continued to walk with his hands in his pockets taking in the country sun. He figured he'd head to John's and finally help them with that problem of theirs, whatever it was. He walked in silent thought for the next few minutes, moving at a mild pace not in a hurry to get there. In the fields, farmers were tending to their crops of corn and wheat, preparing for the fall harvest. Ed sighed inwardly at how life in this small town differed from life in Central. Out here farmers grew produce for a living but unlike Central, out here, everyone pitched in to help each other. If someone was in financial trouble, the town made sure they ate as well and that they were warm in the winter. Repayment was a secondary concern.

Watching the trees rustle softly in the wind he decided to take a seat and collect his thoughts. He sat underneath an oak tree so as to have shade and he stretched out his legs while the breeze engulfed him.

He began to softly whistle and recall books he had read in the National Library, scanning through his memories of works on philosophy, alchemy and physiology. He sat motionless, eyes closed remembering the works on human anatomy he had read. According to what he had seen, sometimes bodies rejected "foreign objects." Maybe that was what had happened. After all this time perhaps, his body had recognized his right arm as a fake, shadow of what once was there.

Yeah maybe that was it, but that still didn't explain the images he had experienced and why he was vulnerable to and aware of the pain that had befallen others. His head was spinning, as he was lost in thought wondering what had happened that day. What did it mean? Why were those memories calling out to him? Were they trying to tell him something?

He let a large breath escape through his nostrils deciding to face his real concerns which for the time being included one single question: what was he to do if during the heat of battle his auto mail just fell off and plopped on the ground sending a slight metallic ring through he air? He let out a small shiver just thinking about what he would face against someone such as Scar.

He slowly rose to his feet and placed a hand on the tree, allowing him a feel of its life force that softly pumped through it. Frowning he, started to walk once again, upset more so that before, convinced that one thing was controlling this whole scenario: equivalent exchange. It was the rule of the world and had a link to everything someway, somehow. Nothing was created without first destroying something of the same material and size, nothing that was, unless you had possession of the Philosophers Stone. That one thought itself upset him. How was it that the stone was able to bypass that single law?

He shook of the thoughts of the stone and made his way down the dirt road leading to the home of John and he prepared himself for the story he was going to have to listen to. He hoped it wasn't to extreme, but he felt something in the back of his mind silently pray for a challenge like a guilty pleasure. Soon enough the front porch was in sight and he could make out a lone figure in a chair, rocking back and forth. Approaching the house he could see that it was johns grandfather, who had once owned a giant farm on the other side of the village, supplying most of the peoples food, yet never attempting to put the other farms out of business.

Making his way onto the wooden platform he smiled at the old man who just kept rocking back and forth… back and forth. Ed became mesmerized by the repetitive pattern of the chair and grew sick to his stomach at thought of ever growing old enough to retire to such a life of content happiness.

"You're not one of those damn state alchemists are you?" the old man asked breaking Ed's thoughts "Well, are you?" the old man interrogated in such a hardened way that demanded the that nearly anyone supply the answer 'No' which led Ed to believe even if he still were he would have lied so as not to be seen as a hated "Dog of The Military."

"Of course not," Ed replied acting as if he himself had been taken advantage of by the state. The old man's eyes made contact with Ed's and he looked as if he were seeing God.

"Those bastards have been ruing our lives for far too long and personally if I was younger I'd show them a piece of my mind with a piece of my knuckles and a piece of their mouths." The old man sighed. "For a while there they were speaking of a state alchemist who stood for the people… stood up for them, even against the military he had become a part of. Did everyone's heart good to know that out there existed an alchemist who actually valued the life of the common man. Then one day he just upped and quit." The old man watched the clouds move through the sky. "They called him "The Full Metal Alchemist. Such a shame, because for a while there a few of us oldies thought we might see the dawn of a new government. Oh well."

"I knew him," Ed stated softly "I knew OF him." Ed sighed aloud regretting ever being a state alchemist, however he smiled slightly on the inside glad that the memory of Full Metal would live on in the hearts of the common man, as a good one and he would be remembered as hero of the people, not the state.

"Ed," called a voice in the distance to his rear, "Over here, in the barn." Ed spun on his heels and spotted John in front of the large barn that marked the end of the field. Making his way over he was confused seeing deep gashes in the dirt. They dug into the earth for a few inches and ran a distance of a few meters. There were several of them, spaced equally apart at a foot of so. By the time he had made his way over to John he had counted well over twenty.

He stopped a few feet short of John and he placed his hands on his hips, glancing around and over his shoulders. He could make out muffled voice in the barn and could tell and alchemist would be very highly targeted in a situation. Well a state alchemist would, fortunately these people knew who "Full Metal" was.

"So," Ed smiled slightly, "What do you need?" he stood there surveying his surrounding and could tell that large men were posted at the side of the barns attempting to remain hidden from his sight.

"Ed" he began in an uncertain voice "It concerns the state and what they are doing here. So" he asked roughly "Are you with us or with the dogs?" his fingers twitched and he stood like a man who knew if he got the answer he didn't want chances were he would be a dead man.

"If I was with the state" Ed smiled while he transmuted his right arm into a metal blade which sent a metallic screech through the air causing John to twitch and Ed could see the haunted look of terror in his eyes. "Those men would be dead." He stated pointing off in the directions of both groups of men. "If I was with the state, I would make sure they were." By this time the other men who were located inside came rushing out drawn by the chime of metal alloy in the atmosphere. "But they," he laughed pointing his blade next to Johns face just over his left shoulder and looking through the frightened man and chucking softly retracting the blade and dropping his hand to his side "They would be the first to go. The very first."


	3. Chapter 3

Ed let out a small laugh and put his hands behind his head smiling slightly towards the glaring men. Each one wielded a pitchfork, shovel and the occasional axe ready to charge at the slightest threat to any life. Ed was left to believe that they really were willing to take him on for any reason and he also began to believe some of them were just looking for a reason to do so.

As he made his way past John he waved the farmers to lower their weapons upon which they glared heavier and dug their feet into the dirt for better ground, defiantly standing their position. Ed let out another small laugh and grabbed onto the pitchfork that was closest to him, smirked at the men and proceeded to transmute the item into nothing more than a pile of tooth picks and set of silverware.

The men stood with their chins held high unwavering yet it was visible to anyone who was able to see and read it: they were highly nervous. The looks in their eyes showed determination and reasons unknown, yet behind all of that in the darkest areas of their eyes, in the solitude of their minds they each looked like a mouse would before becoming an entrée for a large cat.

"Gentlemen," Ed spoke while strolling in the other direction, "No need for weapons." With that he stopped with his back towards John. He waited there for a moment or so before looking over his right shoulder. "Besides even if there were," he spoke rather grimly "they would be of no use today."

Upon hearing this each man shivered slightly and proceeded to take a good look at the man next to him and frown dimly before lowering their tools to the ground. They had lowered their arsenal but they still let their watchful eyes pose a threat, working as an iron defense. Ed could feel the heat of their gaze searing on every inch of being.

"Look," Ed spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, "I don't know what the problem is out here but I can assure you I have no information to go by," he glanced over his other shoulder before gazing forward for a moment and then closing his eyes, "and to treat me as your enemy with out giving me a just cause as to why I'm to be hated would be a mistake." He spun around and faced the men, making sure to compose eye contact with each and every one around him, before speaking again. "So if you have a problem with the military take it out on them, not me."

He spoke coolly and clearly making sure to take certain emphasis on the words "not me" and he clenched his fists until they cracked, to get the proper effect that he desired from the crowd. He was satisfied when no one made a quick move and a few men flinched. However one man did step up and yell out that Ed was a dog of the military and no more than a mutt at that.

Clapping his hands Ed grinned somewhat and transmuted a javelin of steel from the earth and dug the but end into the dirt holding onto the spear and pointing his other hand clearly at the mans heart.

"A dog of the military would have made sure you hadn't even finished that single sentence. So…" He spun and launched the spike through the air, sending it clear to the other side of the field, a good two or three hundred feet. "Don't assume all alchemists belong to the state."

The men all stood speechless and a few whispers were made among the crowd for the man to keep his mouth shut. Ed made his way over to John and made sure that they could hear each other at a low whisper. He found his spot and he folded his arms, standing like a Koloa next to a grizzly bear. Ed forced back a laugh. The grizzly dared not to move on the Koloa, who despite his size, packed enough power to wipe the larger of the two clear across the field, with the swipe of a "paw."

"Look, I don't have all day," he whispered harshly. "What do you need? New farming equipment? Barn? Money? No, no. I got it. You want me to take care of rivaling farms. Is that it? No, you wouldn't do that. You want me to stop someone?"

"Ed," John began however soon paused feeling rather awkward asking a favor after the events that had just transpired "we were wondering if you could deal with the state."

Ed made eye contact with the man and could tell that the look he received was not that of a single man but the stare of an entire town. He could feel the pain that beat through the town through this mans eyes and he could tell something nasty had unraveled in this town during his absence.

"What of the state?" Ed questioned feeling as if that were a stupid question considering that the state rarely decided not to abuse its power. He took a loom around and could plainly see each of these men had personal business with the state. "What are they doing here, in this town?"

John watched him for a moment before speaking, hesitantly. "For the past few months the state has been forcing us to deplete our resources to them. At first there were only a few of them. We figured if we let them go they would just leave after a while. Instead they brought in more and more. They take food, clothing, water, free shelter, you name it they do it. We have almost nothing because of them and the few who do have possessions are in constant fear that they're next. They do it because they know that in a town like this, an alchemist is quite rare. They take money and have driven many of these men out of homes. My father, sister and myself have been giving free vacancy to the people of this town."

Ed was shocked to hear the news being reported to him. No one had told him of the state's take over and if they had they made the statements rather quietly. He took a seat on the ground and began to run his hands through his hair. He hadn't even seen signs of the states existence in this area. Where were they?

"So what am I supposed to do? I don't even know how many there are let alone who they are. If I'm to do anything, I need to find out more. I need a lot more. Such as, who's in charge?"

Information was essential in a place and situation like this. To jump the gun would be a mistake that he could not afford to make. If he just ran headfirst he would be blinded to his sides and he would lose a great advantage: the state had no idea as to where Full Metal had drifted away to. If he was going to help these people in any way he needed to do it his way, on his terms and these men needed to see that.

He began to wonder if he should even help these people, considering he was no longer a state alchemist, it was no longer his duty. He was no longer ensnared by the words "be thou for the people." He had returned to this town to die, not to save it. Besides if this town died he could go out with it.

Sure he had memories of this town but they were just memories, this was not his home; it was his death place.

What had these people ever done for him, sure it was his hometown but "home" had absolutely nothing to do with it. He was alone and would always be. This town was forever carrying the burden of what he had done that night and to return was enough for him to deal with. No one of these men knew his pain or his needs. They only grew concerned in the welfare of the Full Metal Alchemist when it benefited them. What had these people done for him? Why should he help? Why?

He felt a mental blow land itself directly in his conscious mind as he glanced over at the old man being over come with recent memories as the old mans words began to dance around in his head bouncing off the wall of his skull.

_"For a while there they were speaking of a state alchemist who stood for the people… stood up for them, even against the military he had become a part of… they called him "The Full Metal Alchemist."_

He vaguely remembered those days yet he could still feel the essence of Full Metal pulse in his veins. He looked around to these men, each with a family each in need of someone to save them. He could feel their pain as it manifested with in the air around him. He spun on his heels and began to stroll over to the old man.

"Where are you going?" he heard John call from behind him in the distance. As he made his way over to the old man he could feel the elderly mans eyes fix onto him as well as the many eyes that glared at him from behind.

As he reached the man he took a bow to one knee and bowed his head down, waiting in silence. He focused his eyes on the wooded planks that made up the porch.

"What do you want?" the man asked sharply yet respectfully in his own way which shocked Ed a little. "Is there something I can do for you?" the man was now watching Ed very intently as Ed smirked a tiny bit.

"Just allow me to introduce myself" he spoke arising and stripping off his right hand glove exposing the auto mail. "Name's Edward Elric." He smiled to some extent and pulled up his sleeve, "But they call me Full Metal."

As he made his way down the dirt road with a hundred eyeballs watching his every step he heard John holler asking him what they should do.

"Wait," he replied and clapped his hands transmuting five large barns, which arose at the edge of the field. "Wait and move some families into those." He called before making his way back to Pinako's.

!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$

He made his way down the road, his hands in his pockets eyes watching the clouds above. The small breeze rustled his hair and he could feel the hairs stand on the back of his necks he began to make out the faint outline of a man in the distance. He was a hundred yards or so off, but Ed could still tell he was there. As they drew closer to on another ed could begin to make out a state uniform, yet he was having a hard time determining rank of the person.

Low class officer or an N.C.O. he figured it had to be, because the higher ups rarely ever came out a lone. The man must be an alchemist Ed concluded since the man was alone and he carried himself like he was very willing to take a life.

When the gap closed to nearly sixty feet Ed began to make out a checklist of physical features and examined that the mans hair color was black. With a few more steps he could tell that the hair was pulled into a ponytail, which draped itself over his right shoulder. The two men began to eye each other up and the painstaking challenge of not blinking began. Ed hated this but he refused to back down from any single person, especially another alchemist.

The man had dark black eyes and Ed couldn't tell the difference between the iris and the pupil. The man's face was lean and slender but he looked like a ladies man rather than an alchemist.

While they continued to move closer to each other they began to take in each other's features, memorizing them for future use. They logged the information into their minds with computer precision silently assuring themselves they would never forget.

Ed was about to disregard the man as no more than an alchemist of the state on a walk when a metallic glimpse caught his eye drawing his sight to the flash of light. The man's hair was still draped over his shoulder and to Ed's amazement, having overlooked something as odd as this he felt like an imbecile. Attached to the end of the mans hair was an alchemical array made of metal which due to it slight metallic green appearance told ed it was mad of titanium or some alloy which had the metal as a base material.

Ed continued to walk perplexed as to what he had just seen. He hardly believed he had even seen something such as that yet why not? After all Mustang employed gloves with an array, the thief Psiren had a tattoo of on her chest. General Gran had one on his armored glove and Scar had on one on his arm. Well, actually Scar's entire right arm was nothing other than one giant alchemical power system.

He knew this was not a good symbol, considering he had no information to go on which concerned that man and knowing your enemy was half the battle. Sure Ed could perform alchemy in a split second but that split second left him wide open for attack, especially when he knew so little of his opponent. Any one was capable of anything and to underestimate that and for Ed to think of himself as superior in alchemical knowledge was a mistake that he happened to know would be a fatal one.

He shifted his thoughts to what he was going to do while he glanced at the overhead sun, which poured it light down to the rolling fields and, despite the clouds in the sky warming his shoulder. With every step he proceeded to take he felt the feeling grow in his stomach that something was brewing in this small town. Thoughts of life in this valley paraded in his mind, threatening to turn him into a guilty fool, who was given power and refused to use it for the people. He couldn't just turn his back on this town, this valley where life was flourishing. He couldn't just turn his back on the spirits of every living thing.

He continued to make his way down the road, hands in is pockets and feeling his shoulder pop from the new auto mail falling in place. Every time he received hew metal it took a slight time for his body to become used to the new material. He had been subject to this pain before and he knew it was completely normal so he just shrugged the feeling off as if he were cold.

After a while of walking in silent thought, concentrating on nothing in particular, he could see the Rockbell household come into full view and he stopped on the hill watching the house. So many times had he played in that yard, they had played in that yard, together and then suddenly…

Ed let out a heavy sigh and placed his hands on his hips watching the shadows of passing clouds serenade across the earth, playing games as children would. Life was constantly a procession of age. You were born, you grew, you died and your corpse rotted away eventually becoming a part of something else. It sickened him to know that life had no meaning, yet despite all of this he knew that the meaning was not a complex as many thought it was. The meaning of life was simply to live. To live and to have no regrets by the time your demise was set in place in nature.

One of the worst sins man could commit was envy simply because envying someone else shows disgust of who you are. To want to be someone else is to deny yourself happiness at what you have become. Going through life wishing you were someone else doesn't allow to live life, it allows the person that you have become by modeling and chasing after false ambitions to live, thus erasing your meaning in life. Life is nature's most precious gift and to throw it away by holding back and refusing to allow yourself to live it to the fullest is a crime against all that existed.

You couldn't go through life believing and wishing that you were something other than what the world had handed other wise, you were condemned to pain and loss. In doing so you become bitter, old and forgotten.

Ed shook those thoughts from his head and began to descend the hill making his way towards the house watching the memories of his childhood float away. He frowned at seeing Winry out and about, considering it had only been about an hour and a half.

When she spotted him in the distance she began to run over to him and he began to feel afraid of what his being there might do. After all life was all about death for the living.

By the time she had reached him he fallen into a deep thought process and she just glanced at him slightly before deciding to let him be as he walked by her, while she followed mildly behind.

It never really hit him until now, he was ultimately and completely alone, tired, and left without any hope. Day by day his life was slipping away leaving him bare and empty. Year by year he had grown colder and darker inside and after all he had been through he should've been struggling to keep what little he still had, yet he refused to accept anything because one day it would be gone and he would be Ed. Alone. All he had left was his humanity and he sighed loudly, the reason being: the one thing that scared him in this world was how easily he was willing to let it slip away.


	4. Chapter 4

She followed him as he made his way towards the house, deep in thought. His hands were clasped behind his head while he moved so Winry knew he was thinking heavily of something that was troubling him in more ways than one. Winry knew it was something immense because she knew Ed and he only stressed over certain things, like this. Matters of family, matters of state and matters of revenge had only ever bothered him this badly and from the look of it, she figured it was probably a little of all of them.

She began to feel that he was hardly even aware of her presence because the only time he glanced back he was looking through her, not at her, which sent little shivers down her neck and spine.

With every step they took she became a little more uncomfortable with the silence between them. Mustering up what ever courage she had, she tried to spark up a conversation however the only noise she produced was softer than the squeak of a mouse, which sent her farther into her troubled worries.

She watched every step he took and she realized he was walking rather slow as if to sort so many things that he needed to slow down just think correctly. He removed his hands from the back of his head and inserted them into his pockets, watching the ground; she followed suit lost in her own world of thought.

She could only imagine what he had seen. Since childhood Ed had been destined for great things; that she always knew, yet those great things came at an expensive price, one that she knew Ed would have wished he never had to pay. Destiny has fixed him a place in the stars yet he was to be stripped of all he had to achieve it.

Ed had lost his mother, father and brother. He had no one. The only family she had was Pinako but at least she had someone to share the pain with. Ed on the other hand was the losing side of the table.

She remembered all those days and nights of Ed gazing at her with his eyes full of life. Now after all this time he glanced at her so rarely and those eyes were not his, someone, something had made off with his spirit and his hope, along time ago.

She began to feel tears run down her cheeks as she followed him and she could feel the sorrow and pain emanating from him, which threatened to engulf her in a world of darkness she was much to weak to handle. She feared that he would never recover from this torment that he was enduring, yet she knew he was a fighter, refusing to be overcome by emotion.

By the time they reached the house she had shed many tears and decided to wait outside so Ed would not see her crying. She took a seat on the bench which sat on the porch and gazed out across the green field frowning while she watched rabbits make their way across, happily going about their business.

She began to wonder if Ed would ever return. After all this time of waiting he had returned but not as he once had been. He was different in nearly every aspect. He had grown dark inside, his soul having been stripped of all capability for compassion and love. His eyes were blank, his temper gone and his minder sharper than before.

She wondered when he would come back as she silently cried and prayed, vowing to wait for him to return one day. He had to realize that he had a place here at this home; otherwise he was doomed to a life of hate. She had to make him realize.

She began to wipe the tears form her eyes, realizing that at least he was here now and she had another chance to rescue him from what he was. She could guide him back to the doorway of life, save him. It wouldn't be easy but she had to try. She had kept quiet long enough, now was time for action. Ed wanted to forget the past… she would make him remember, for if he forgot his pat, he would forget himself. She knew he was still in there waiting to be found.

As she rose to her feet she saw three men standing on the far rise of the land about sixty feet or so out. Watching the men she could feel their gazes beating down on her like hot sunlight. Refusing to be gotten the best of she returned the assault with stares of her own, watching them as hardly as they were towards her. They stood there for nearly a minute or so before disappearing back towards the direction from, which they came. She watched the hill with intensity for a few minutes afterward, expecting them to return. When they did not she entered house quietly shrugging it off as though it had never happened.

As she made her way down the dim hallway, she began to deliberate whether or not to tell Ed of what had just happened, but decided against it due to the circumstances. Besides for the past few months, the military had been making round trips all over the town, so while she disliked their presence, she had grown accustomed to them watching the house at least two or three times a day.

She stopped for a moment to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness, the only light, at the end of the hall, pouring in from a doorway, which led to the kitchen. As he eyes made the change she could see the shadows dance, playing tricks on her mind. As all became clear she eventually, began to make her way down the hall slowly and watching her feet so as not to trip over anything in her path. By the time she reached the stairway, she walking at her normal pace climbing them, hand on the railing.

She gazed down the hallway to see it was empty and upon further inspection saw that Ed's door was barely open and she could see the brilliant flash of transmutation flood from the opening. She stood still and after a moment she saw another. By the time she found the courage to walk ahead she had counted four more flashes and with each blinding flare she had to stop to get her head straight.

After a few minutes she eventually found her way to the door and decided to look in the small gap. She frowned at what she saw, which, to his disapproval was Ed seated on the bed transmuting the bedside lamp into a sword and then back again. She heard him sigh softly as he set the original lamp back in place and fell backwards stretching out on the bed.

"You know Winry," he spoke while looking away from the door and out the window, the curtains slightly opened just enough to allow a single ray of sun to fall in. "You can come in rather than having to stand out in the hallway."

She gasped silently, shocked that he had known she was there but then frowned again, knowing she should have expected it instead of foolishly thinking she was able to spy on him. She softly placed her hand on the doorknob and pushed it open to allow her self to slide in.

She made her way to bed and sat next to Ed and lay down beside him and placing her hands behind her head. She was silent for a short while unsure of what to say while she watched the ceiling, staring at nothing in general however unable to look away as if she did that it would seal the fates of everyone she cared about.

"Ed," she whispered in a small voice that made him look over at her gazing at her with his lifeless eyes, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked looking away and rolling onto his side with his back towards her. He closed his eyes, resting his head on his right arm, breathing deeply. "What should you be sorry for?"

"For watching you doing alchemy." She spoke softly and placed her left hand on her stomach. "I had no right to spy on you. I'm sorry."

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity yet she felt entirely comfortable lying down next to Ed. She smiled inside as she closed her eyes and began to relax. She could feel Ed shift slightly however she still kept her eyes shut, feeling the vibrations of the bed subside, as he finally got comfortable.

She began to doze off when she realized where she was, opening her eyes, she was surprised to see Ed watching her, his head propped up on his left hand. He gazed at her and she gasped quietly when she saw something in his eyes; unable to put her finger on it she dismissed it.

"What?" she laughed as he continued to stare at her. "Is there something on my face?" she laughed again but stopped when he didn't answer. She smiled slightly realizing that with anyone else she would have grown uncomfortable, however with Ed she felt safe. Just like when she was a child. "Ed!" she laughed again. "Say something! C'mon!"

"Shush," he said putting his index finger to her lips silencing her. He looked at her with eyes full of pain and he looked a little child again. "I just want to be held."

She watched him for a few second before engulfing him in a hug holding his head to her chest just under her jaw. She could feel him begin to drift to sleep as his muscles began to loosen up and he finally relaxed.

She watched the window and a single tear rolled off her cheek onto the blanket. She felt her heart weaken at what he had said. He wanted to be held. After all this time and all he had been through, all he wanted was to be held.

She wanted to nod off as well however she couldn't relax enough. She began to wonder what Ed had seen. What was so tragic that he lost his temper to this extent? Sure losing Al would have nearly totaled him, but no to this extent. What happened?

After a half of an hour or so she began to hear Ed groaning in his sleep crying out loud. Only during his sleep did she ever hear him cry and she knew that this was no exception. He began to shake mildly forcing her to hold him tighter.

"I… I don't who I am!" she began to hear him say forcing tears to her eyes. "I don't know who I am… I don't know who I am… I just don't know anymore." He mumbled quietly. "I just want to go home… I just want to go home!"

She listened to him murmur things she didn't understand for the next few hours until they ceased and she kissed the top of his head before collapsing into her own dream world.

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When he finally awoke, he was wrapped in Winry's arms unable to move… unwilling to move. He feared to disturb her thus waking her. He felt like a child, probably because that was the last time he had been held in such an embrace. His brow was lined with sweat and he needed to breathe deep in order to cool down.

He closed his eyes taking in her scent which, he found to be entirely invigorating, making his head spin and nearly making him passout. This was the first time he had ever been in this position with Winry and he loved it. He could feel her shift softly and just her movement drove him wildly insane.

He didn't want to do this but he had important matters to attend to. Matters of state.

He softly slipped out of her arms, which to his approval and delight barely moved her, the most she ended up doing was pull her arms into her chest. He smiled slightly watching her, before he walked out the door.

He made his way down the stairs moving quickly, to get out of the house and walk. He needed to get his mind straight. He began to pound himself mentally for letting that happen. The day had passed and transgressed into the night, which he was glad to see. No one should be out at this hour and he wanted it like that. He wanted to be alone to think and this was the perfect setting, the shadow of night.

The moon shed it's light as heavily as ever and it forced the trees to cast eerie shadows far across the dew slicked grass. He decided to walk in the shadows veil of darkness so as to not be seen. The trees softly blew about in the wind and gave life to the shadows they were emitting.

He continued to trek across the field while kicking himself in the ass for being weak and giving in to childish feelings. He felt alone. He needed to feel human contact and it showed how weak he was, reduced to that level. He couldn't do this to Winry and he couldn't do it to himself. He was meant to be alone.

He could feel his anger pulsing throughout his veins with each beat of his heart, compelling him to destroy something, but he held onto that feeling and created the image of a single steel ball in his mind. He had learned that he could subdue his anger and his feelings by "mentally transmuting" it into an object in his mind. It thus became no longer a problem and was dismissed as though it were never there.

He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to be alone and he needed to find out what was up with the States' interest in this town. It had to be something important, the military wouldn't just show up and stay stationed in one place without a deeper cause.

He had no idea what they were up to but whatever it was he knew they weren't going to run this town the way they did others. He had seen this exact thing before where the military would come in, run the town dry and leave, the town a barren wasteland and the people moving to larger cities.

He hated the military with all his heart and he wouldn't let them corrupt anymore-innocent civilians. He refused to let it happen. He refused to let them get this town. His town.

He stopped to think for a moment, debating his best method of scouting out the camps. Despite who was in charge he was prepared. No one had as much experience in these forest, fields, and mountains. He let out a small laugh, wondering who WAS in charge. Silently he began to wonder what type of alchemy they used and then laughed at his concern. Flame, water, thunder, earth, wind. It didn't matter. He was ready to get to the bottom of this. He was ready for war. He was Full Metal.


	5. Chapter 5

He closed his eyes while he was walking; able to "feel" where everything was, sensing the life pouring from every living thing around him. Alchemy was a study of science as well as a study of magic. Although it was not entirely in the sense magic, alchemy had its roots soaked in it. The earliest alchemists had after all, been known as magicians. Tales told of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. They told of Excalibur and of Merlin, the great wizard. Merlin had been an alchemist in the sense of the word, transforming items and materials into other objects through magic.

The quest for a way to transmute worthless metals, such as lead into the precious, glowing matter of gold was a quest that had helped found alchemy. Although the transmutation of gold was forbidden in those days self gain and profit had come as a second concern to most alchemists who, through their practices truly, only cared about furthering the alchemical sciences.

However one thing was a frequent concern among men, that unlike the furthering of the science was a desire of all men to further themselves. The search for the elixir of life was only wanted by men to gain immortality.

Many disputes arose and wars waged among men, due to the ethical outlook of eternal life and avoiding equivalent exchange. Was it right? Many sought the stone and many died without a fruit to show for their troubles.

Despite all of the warfare and disagreements, one thing remained true and was visible to all real alchemists, who through the learning of the science became aware of it. Spirits. All alchemists knew of them and were respectful enough to realize that all living things had one that existed inside of them. Unlike a soul the spirit was the will to live, not the life force.

All alchemists knew this and if they truly realized it they could "see" it. He smiled meekly, only a few alchemists knew how to do such a thing and he happened by ability to be one of them. In attempts to further his alchemical prowess, he had trained his mind to be as strong as his body which upon doing so let him become one with his own spirit. This allowed him to recognize the unique pattern of "waves" that poured from everything around him.

He laughed at the ignorance that he had possessed when he was younger. He had always thought of himself as superior to Mustang, yet in the past few years he had come to realize, that he was not an expert in this field of conceptive sight. Mustang was able to "see" the spiritual aura around living thing as well. During all the times that Ed had witnessed the Flame Alchemist send his spiraling inferno towards targets with a seemingly invisible and deadly accuracy, he had wondered how Roy was able to manage it.

He had finally realized that Mustang didn't just shoot the flames at the targeted opponent; he sought out the field of spiritual energy around the mark, using alchemy, negatively charged the particles around it while charging the particles around him to hold a positive charge, thus creating an invisible ionic "bridge." By forming a wall of carbon dioxide in front of him he forces the blast to travel in one direction, using the same principal as that of a gun. By filling this "pathway" with oxygen molecules therefore he would just have to initiate spark, to incinerate the target.

He smirked slightly at how Mustang had the upper hand all along, but he laughed aloud remembering he had his own tricks. Alchemy wasn't a one sided weapon and because of this easier methods of transmutation were available.

He opened his eyes, having traveled a mile or so in the darkness of his own eyelids, the darkness of the mountain trails, brought no light either however as the canopy of the trees barely allowed any moonlight to filter through at all. The mountains were a world all they're own, free and untouched which, brought him some joy, however not much.

He continued in silence free of thought for the next hour or so. By letting his mind be free of all thought he was able to concentrate all of his power into his hand and prepare to let out the most powerful blast he could muster, if the need should arise.

Depleting all of his energy wasn't a concern for him, he would regain it quickly and even with just enough energy to lift his arms he was still a formidable opponent to anyone who decided to challenge him.

As he made his way forward he saw a familiar soft glow, that he knew could be only spawned from a campfire, arise over the far ridge. Dark smoke rose around the flames and separate wisps of it intertwined into each other, playfully dancing about in a mysterious way.

He smiled as he stopped placing his hands in his pockets, breathing in deep. Letting his power circulate throughout his body, which produced a high that no drug could match. He let out the lungful quietly while approaching the rocks. Stealth was key at this moment, to gather was to learn to learn was to know and to know was to win. He couldn't afford a mistake now. This was do or die.

He slowly popped his head up enough to see and caught and was appalled at what he had laid his eyes upon. Clenching his fist he frowned knowing it was going to be a bad night.

!&&!&!&&(!(#!&!&&&&&&&&&&(

She laid wide-awake, face buried in Ed's pillow as she silently cried into it. Her entire body ached from shedding so many tears and she wished she could stop. However she knew Ed and he was doing something dangerous.

He had asked her to hold him and she felt foolish for having not seen it coming. He wanted to be held because he was worried he might not be coming back. She should have seen it, but she was shocked at what had happened and she didn't see it.

She remembered the only other time he asked to be held was when he had first lost his mother, and he released his tears to her, while they silently cried together, holding each other.

"Damn you," she mumbled under her tears forcing her self to stop momentarily. "What are you doing?" she felt like he had been screaming. She had no idea who she was. She felt cut off from the world as she began to cry again. "Always… always… always." She whispered repeatedly until she felt the realm of sleep claim her mind.

_She smiled softly at him however she ceased to do it when he just looked back at her, with an unreadable look on his face causing her to shift her gaze to the ground. He sat there with his legs pulled to his chest and his arms folded over them watching her._

_"Ed," she whispered lightly "I wish I could help you, with the alchemy stuff I mean and bringing your mom back." She glanced over at him and was not surprised to find that he had the same look on his face. "I'd really like to."_

_They sat in silence for a few odd minutes, which really started to get to her, as she frowned, she looked back over at him. "Really I do." She whispered. She sat growing restless as he just sat there without making so much as a sound._

_The clouds overheads were brilliantly painted across the evening sky. As the colors of orange, red, and yellow dance around in the atmosphere, she frowned as they reflected how she felt: unsure and unable to sit still, in the silence._

_"Ed," I want to help she spoke again beginning to get upset. "I really do. Please." She stood up and looked down at him as he just watched the water of the creek._

_"Forget it," he spoke harshly, which cut through he. "You wouldn't know what to do." He spat coldly. "I don't care what you want to do, I'm doing it alone."_

_"You always have to be so mean!" she screamed piercing his eardrums although he didn't show it. "Always! Well you know what! I hope you grow up and get some new friends because I hate you!" she shrieked before sprinting off away from him, from the pain._

_She raced home her cheeks stained with dried tears, angry at what had just happened. She collapsed onto her bed punching the mattress. "Stupid." She muttered softly, curling up. "Stupid."_

_"Winry," Ed spoke softly "Someday, somehow… someway, you'll understand. I promise." He dropped his head and closed his eyes. "I promise."_

_Many years had passed since that day and she still dreamed about it. She hated that day. Ed might not know it but she figured out what he had done, that day and for that reason; among others, she wanted to be there to comfort him. He deserved it, for all he had done; however she knew he wasn't one to want pity._

_That was the nicest thing he had ever done for her, and she had figured away to help him. A was to save him. Now all she had to do was throw her plan into motion._

_He had saved her life many times before; it was time for her to return the favor._

She opened her eyes tears gone and feeling a little relieved. Ed had always been fine in the end. Even if se was worried she knew he would be fine. Deep down from the bottom of her heart she knew he would be fine.

She sat up placing her hands on her knees and standing up slowly, stretching out. She made he way down the stairs slowly for a glass of water, to soothe her dry mouth. As she began to dink she heard Pinako's voice behind her, asking where Ed was.

"To tell you the truth granny," she frowned "I have absolutely no idea." She closed her eyes unable to deal with the worry before she reassured herself it was Ed, not some simple man. "He left, that's all I know."

"Oh," Pinako laughed, "I just thought you might know after that little slumber party." She frowned when Winry didn't laugh as well, but instead glaring at her.

"Nothing" Winry spoke calmly and aggressively "I mean, NOTHING, happened. Got it granny?" she spit out sharply.

"Didn't think that." Pinako said calmly. "Just wanted to know where he was because a package came from central for him." She explained softly. "I tried to tell them he was no longer in the military, but they insisted he get it. Straight from Mustang… they said."

Winry just watched Pinako for a moment before taking a sip of her water, "Guess the military always makes house calls in the middle of the night?" she wondered out loud.

"Not usually."

She took another sip before taking a seat. Allowing herself to relax she could help but sit up straight feeling that the night would only get weirder. She set her glass down watching Pinako leave and silently saying a prayer for Ed before letting a tear fall from her eye.

!$$$!&!)((!(&!((!&!(&!)!)(

He sat there watching the men in front of him. State soldiers. They stood in a circle, a man lying on the ground in rags, in the center of them. There were at five of them, tormenting this man, kicking him occasionally when he tried to get up and run.

As the light of the campfire hit each mans face, he was repulsed by how they appeared as animals. They looked like vicious barbarian cavemen by all their undignified animalistic actions. Their hair looked as if it had not been washed in weeks and he was able to smell them from this distance.

He hated it, the putrid odor he was getting from these men. It burned his nose and he feared to sneeze, knowing he would reveal himself soon enough. He gagged at the smell, wishing he could be breathing smoke.

Their eyes glowed fiercely and the flames seemed to dance in their eyes as if the had made a pact with the devil. They smiled crookedly with broken teeth, black gums making him nauseous.

He was inclined to laugh yet held back. How these men even became state soldiers was beyond him. They showed no soldier like traits and seemed to poor to but their way in. So what were they doing in the military?

Ed watched silently for a few moments before feeling the urge to attack. He tried to hold himself back, finding it hard to do so with the anger he was feeling boiling in his blood.

They exchanged quiet comments to each other, laughing at their own private jokes. It sickened Ed to point where he wanted to kill them all. They stood around the man tossing sick insults at him as to what they were going to do with his wife and kids when he died his "honorable" death.

Ed could hear the man screaming, crying. He had enough of this; this man would die if he didn't do something now. He deliberated the best method of action and after careful review of plan he decided to go for the straightforward method.

He took a deep breath while preparing himself for what he was going to do.

"Give them a chance to surrender," he told himself. "Chance to surrender." He repeated. "One chance."

He hopped onto the ledge folding his arms and glaring down on the men who had now turned to pulling they're pistols rather than use alchemy.

He held back a laugh; no gun could stop him. Alchemy was their only option. An option they as foolish as they were, did not have. He kept his arms folded only planning to release his hands when he needed them. Until then he would give them some satisfaction in thinking that they had him. He smiled inwardly at how deceiving the whole situation really was. One to five, yet the odds were in his favor.

He knew these mountains, loaded with iron, perfect for him to thrive. These men were not raised in these hills and mountains. They didn't know who he was. They were arrogant as was he, yet he also was careful. The slightest inkling of alchemy use other than by him was going to get someone hurt.

"Let him go." Ed spoke coolly. He waited for a few seconds to make eye contact with each man before adding the word "NOW." He made sure each man heard what he said. And even they were deaf he knew his eyes said it all. They would end up dead if they tried him. He felt however, when they failed to do they wanted to take their chances.

They had their one chance.

They each watched him with growing intensity pistols drawn, he just laughed. Whether or not they were, he was ready and that was on more advantage he had.

He was ready to attack, he was ready for war and he was ready to die.


	6. Chapter 6

Somehow he had made a planning error. Somehow he had overlooked the smallest of details, yet it proved to be the largest mistake he had ever made. He could almost feel the hands of failure strangling him, making him realize only the more that he had as an alchemist failed. He had failed as an alchemist and a man.

As an alchemist he had failed to persevere and learn all he could, passing it down to his son one day. As a man he had failed himself by, not fighting hard enough, a charge that he felt had caused him, and him alone to forfeit his life.

He was not sure of anything and yet he felt as if he possessed the knowledge of Gods. He smirked allowing the irony to seep farther into his mind. It was like mercury, filling the crevices and cracks of his mind, making him laugh at how funny the situation was. While he knew that he might not actually know anything more than he had seven hours ago, he found it humorous to believe that all the information of life would actually be revealed right before death.

He had no idea what he was doing here, yet he knew it was to die. He had come to the wrong place, the wrong time… the wrong person. Had he known who that man was, he assured himself silently, he would have walked the other way, forgetting his pride. However in the back of his mind he heard a small voice quietly whispering, asking him he really would have.

To this he did not know the answer and he was sure that he never would, time was running short and he was going to die soon. He did know one thing however; his life was going to end tonight. At the first look of the sun, he was dead and no one, including himself, was going to save him.

He was a dead man and he cursed under his breath at himself for never accomplishing the silent dreams he had. He had planned to write a book on his theories of life, his philosophies. This situation only gave him more reason to believe he knew about human lifestyles.

Humans happen to be oblivious to the fact that they too are animals. They, he believed, considered themselves above other beasts, by building shelters, harvesting crops and setting up laws to abolish all animalistic natures from the human persona. A man was to be condemned to death if he gave into these natures, these needs.

He was one of these people, yet he was paying not for his crimes, but for someone else. True he had committed unthinkable, unforgivable acts of violence, malice and hate, but the things he was being charged for were not his.

He knew he was powerless, all he could do was watch these men, eyes wide open, wanting to see all he could before his last living moments on the planet were cut to an end.

He stood, watching them as he inhaled deeply. He could hardly make out what the expressions were that resided on their faces, due to the shadow that the light, behind them was casting. He swallowed hard, his throat dry and his mind empty.

He had come this far, so what was he to do now? Each man glared at him like they were hurling knives at him. He couldn't see their faces yet he knew. He knew this was a mistake; they however did not.

He grinned, throwing his head back in a laugh, which pierced the chilly night air. He could hardly believe this was happening, he was once an alchemist of the state, one of the best. He had made his way to the top, and not by bribes or kissing ass. He had made his name famous. And now it was reduced to this, where people didn't even know his face. It sickened him to know it was down to this.

Sweat lined his brow and he wished he could wipe it away, however any movement surely meant an attack and with the firearms pointed at him, he knew it would be fatal. He merely let it go, irritating him, as he fought the urge to run.

He laughed again knowing he would not get far, even with his alchemical talents, he was knew he would easily be gunned down. No, he knew deep down, running would not help out the situation; he needed to wait. He needed to plan this out. Get the upper hand.

He had been growing tired of this circus themed charade and was becoming quite desperate. He was desperate for life and was well aware he hardly deserved to live yet, was faced with the same fear of death that all humans suffered from. All animals.

This was his last stand, before he met the cold, dark hand of fate and yet all he wanted was to be back home with his mother, brother and his… father. Tears silently poured down his cheeks as he was engulfed by visions from his past. He had always wanted to be great, to be known. And now, that desire was what had condemned him to death.

He felt like a child again, wanting to be held, to cry in his mother's arms, sheltered. He was afraid of what he might meet on the other side. Lucifer? God? He could not be sure. After all these years as an alchemist he was struck hard with the thought that perhaps by not believing in god it was far to late to change.

He was alone and he was going to die alone, which was ironic because never imagined himself meeting his demise at the hands of a colonel. He watched the sky for any sign of the sun. It was around four thirty in the morning, which assured that the sunrise was not far off, approaching faster with every passing second.

He could feel the water vapor in the air, which stuck to his face making him sweat even more, which he was powerless to stop. He breathed in deeply and exhaled sharply, his eyes watering up. He couldn't stand it anymore. If the sun refused to arrive he was going to make a dash for it and try to dart away.

This had to end soon, he was growing edgy and he could hardly wait any longer.

He smiled slightly frightened the one thing that always scared him. Above all thing he had seen, all he had done to the innocent, he feared only one thing. Not death, poverty, the dark nor the light scared him. Only one thing terrified him enough to make him feel like a small child again. Fear. The fact that he was afraid to be afraid was one thing he hated about himself.

He could see the familiar glow of the rising sun far out along the horizon. It wouldn't be long, until his life was no more and he would meet the masters of the other side.

The next realm he would enter was going to be a new experience and he was prepared for it, yet he couldn't shake the feel that if there really existed a devil, that he and his soul would burn for all eternity. He was overcome by another thought of fleeing yet he managed to wave it off.

He nodded, a small smile on his face as he hung his head low, hair covering his face and he tried to avoid laughing, while he tried to prepare himself for the next to come.

He knew it would be fast. Quick and painless as it would be, he still had no desire to die. He lifted his head balling his fists to the point where the knuckles cracked. He felt his arms twitch, spasms coming from his shoulders to his wrists, seeming to allow them to move on their own accord.

The muscles in his neck tightened, as did the ones that resided in his legs, from lack of movement he believed. They cramped to the point where he clenched his jaw, hoping that it wouldn't cramp as well. He could feel the pain spreading to his back and he wished that it, being as painful as it was, would cease.

Eventually the cramps subsided and ceased altogether, allowing him to let out a heavy sigh of relief. He was sure that the cramps were only a taste of what was to be of him soon, however he felt in some ways that certain things he had done, caused him more pain than any celestial being could ever inflict, whether it be to his body, mind or his soul.

He had known true pain since a young age and he was not afraid of it, he just, wanted a break from it. He wanted some time off from the torment and suffering that he endured at all hours the day and every minute of the night.

That however was a wish, he knew, that he would never have the luxury of having granted. He let his mind wander, and he reveled in the days of his youth, the days of his foolish, power hungry searches for power.

He had never wanted power for himself. It was the least he could do after what had happened to his brother. They had been inseparable, except in death. He knew, through all of his experiences that no matter what, he would meet his family on the other side.

He looked up as he felt the first rays of the brilliant star beat down upon his face. He gazed at the heavenly sphere as if seeing it through newborns eyes. He basked in the magnificence of the majestic life giver and bid it farewell as he prepared for his trip to the other side.

He could see the looks in the men's eyes now clear as spring water. They had several emotions dancing in their eyes, some had fear, others hatred and still others fostered anger, yet they all had one unanimous emotion that sparked between them and was clear in their faces: pity.

He felt like laughing. They actually pitied him. He didn't want pity, or compassion, or hate, or anger. He wanted nothing more than for this whole mess to be over.

As the sun rose higher in the sky he could still feel their gazes upon him. He knew it would be soon, yet he knew that it was going to feel like an eternity. And so he was right, in his eyes. He counted up the minutes, precise count on the seconds and was upset that he had counted three hundred seconds, and felt like an old man.

He could hear the footsteps of the man who was to send him to his hellish nightmare of an eternal dream and he felt the acid churn in his stomach, rising into his esophagus making him cough slightly, to subdue the heartburn.

He would much rather be drunk when it happened and still he wanted to be straight faced so that he could see his life flash before his eyes, so he could feel the pain of his sins.

The footsteps became more even, and louder as the man approached. He could hear the steps in every fiber of his body, ringing in his ears, annoying him as dripping water would. The pace and beat of the steps was unnerving and he felt that if he had ever had any doubts of himself being insane, that these steps would have drove him to it.

By the time he the man appeared he felt he was already dead and just glimpsing into the living world, through a one-way mirror. He could barely lift his arms and yet he felt amazing amounts of energy build up inside of his limbs, threatening to challenge him to make an escape.

He smiled at the thought however, aware that he was going to die. Running would not help him any; he had been running for all of his life. This time he would stand tall and proud allowing himself to go into the other world with his dignity intact.

It was at that moment he full recognized the shackles around his wrists and ankles. He sighed realizing he was helpless, no matter what he attempted.

He could see the face of the man that meant to erase him and he smirked. It was ironic really. The one element of nature he despised most was going to escort him to his grave. The quickest death that the military had to offer: death by fire.

"Full Metal Alchemist," Mustang spoke while gazing at him. "You have been sentenced to death on the basis and charge of three counts of manslaughter of military personnel." He paused for a second and he picked his head up refusing himself to fail doing his job. "The military has allowed you to be executed in the least painful manner and by the quickest way possible. It is with a heavy heart that the military carries out these orders. May the lord have mercy on your soul."

He watched the pain in Mustangs eyes as he locked them on him, snapping his fingers. He waited for the blast top reach him, as it seemed to be taking its time.

While the flames spiraled toward him, he began to wonder had he not ventured into those mountains that night, would he still be permitted to live? Was it fate that he died this way? Would they still have met that night in the field ad would he have still ended up here?

He picked his head up, observing the final light he would ever see, holding breath so as no to scream. It didn't work.

To those that lived in and near this town, his shrill cry could be heard, cutting through the morning air.

Mustang watched in disbelief at what he had just done. His arm stayed suspended in mid air for a few minutes before he finally dropped it to his side and softly began to walk away, hands in his pockets, head down.

"Goodbye Full Metal." He whispered softly to himself as he made his way back down the hall from which he had emerged. "Until we meet again."


	7. Chapter 7

He stood there, silent, watching the flames as they exploded against the concrete wall, of the military's Rizenbuhl headquarters. He ran a hand through his hair, and wiped the sweat off his forehead that had appeared due to the immense heat of the blast. Even from this location, on a hill over looking the base from some two hundred yards away, he could feel the energy being released. He was sure that the Full Metal Alchemist was dead.

He placed his hands on his hips watching until the fire had died away, slightly frowning. He hated to watch it, however he needed to make sure it was over. He needed to know that Full Metal was gone for good.

He watched Mustang, leave from the scene, with his head hung low and he slightly laughed due to the colonels' excellent acting skills. Mustang had them actually believing he was upset to destroy, Full Metal.

Glancing over at the woman next to him, her eyes greeted his and she rested her head on his shoulder. He smiled as he wrapped his arm around her waist. He pulled her close and took a deep breath, exhaling after a moment of prolonged silence, which remained until he released the air in his chest and vocalized it.

"It's finally over." He spoke out into the air while staring off into the distance. She looked over and was not shocked to find that he was staring at the spot where Full Metal had been standing no less than five minutes ago.

They stayed there watching the scene with intent. They both realized what it meant, and it felt now as if a whole bunch of things that they had overlooked would be their ultimate downfall. While they watched, the flames receded away into nothing more than a handful of small isolated fires, which posed no threat.

She was overjoyed that the nightmare was finally over, yet she wished in heart that it had happened another way. She could feel the guilt burrowing its way into her soul and she tried to let the feeling slip away, however she had no such luck and she began to feel nauseous. She took a few deep breaths, which served no purpose other than to make her feel lightheaded as well.

"You know," she whispered into his ear lightly enough that he could barely hear her at all. "This is wrong." She moved away from him and took a seat on the ground burying her face in her hands saying nothing.

He watched her for a few minutes before once again diverting his attention towards the death site. So shortly ago, he had been alive and now… now he was free. It was the most sensational feeling he had ever known.

The sunrise was beautiful, yet he found it to be the most hideous thing he had seen. A man had just died. He deserved to, but a man nonetheless was dead. He felt no guilt, that man had committed almost every heinous crime against, every known, physical, celestial, moral and human law. But then again who was he to pass judgment?

He was given no right to decide who deserved to live and who was to be condemned to death. He knew this would be another cause for eternal punishment, yet he had of course found this to be a just cause. That man had destroyed hundreds, right in front of his very eyes. While he realized he was in no manner correct for what he had done to this man as revenge, he was convinced that the death he received was only a small one compared to what he should have, and would have faced, had they known.

He took a deep breath filling his body, mind and soul with the fresh morning air. The dew that was on the grass cooled the air enough that it was like ice, which suited him, just fine.

He gently moved over to her side, taking a seat and softly speaking into her ear, "I know." He paused for a second trying to catch his running thoughts however had no such luck and rather allowed himself to just drop off.

He felt as if he were that man, roasted alive, yet he managed to shake the thought from his head. He was nothing like that man. He was free. Free from the state and free from the death that he had just endured.

"I'm just wondering, what are we going to do?" she looked over at him and saw that his face was inches away from hers. She shrugged off the feeling to kiss him as they had more important matters that they needed to tend to.

He closed his eyes and lay down, sprawling out, stretching his limbs. She followed his example and rested her head on his chest, while he ran a hand through her hair.

"Look," he spoke out into the open while watching the morning clouds, "All I know is that… we can't go back. They wouldn't understand. We need to leave, be alone."

She watched him with confusion and uncertainty at what he was proposing. She could leave with him and be happy for the rest of her life, yet she had to say goodbye. She couldn't just leave.

For a few moments she sat in silent thought, unsure of what to do. She was standing at a fork in the road and only one choice could be made. Down one road was death with family and the other led to lifelong love and then an eternity of everlasting happiness… with him.

She smiled to herself at all that had happened since that night, when that package arrived. She had cursed Mustang at the time, but she couldn't have predicted what it would bring for them. He always had things planned out; at least he made it seem like it.

Mustang had always sent Ed on random missions and acted as if a failed one had been the outcome he was looking for all along.

"How did this whole thing happen?" she watched his eyes as they twitched lightly at the question and didn't give her a response. "When did the thing start?" she gazed at him harder, becoming upset when he still didn't provide her with a sufficient answer. "Ed, just answer me. How did this happen?"

He kissed her on the forehead and played with her hair some more. "How it began?" He looked out towards nothing, yet taking in everything. "Fine then," he nodded "How it began…"

!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#$&()!#

He was watching them like a hawk, and they stared at him with the same intent. He knew it was life or death and he could tell by the looks in their eyes they too could sense it. He could see that the death they had in mind for him was not one of self-defense or revenge. It was malice. Simple malice. They would take pleasure in killing him and he would not let that happen. He could not let that happen.

With the smoke pouring around them, he thought they looked like demons from the underworld, sent to wreak havoc on the weak and collect innocent souls. The thought however was greeted by simple logic that almost made him crack up. He wasn't weak and his soul sure as hell wasn't innocent.

He closed his eyes letting the energy flow through his body, preparing himself for what was to come and he felt his muscles twitch in response to the expectancy of an attack.

All thoughts of death faded from his mind as he felt old combat memories and attack plans wash through, allowing him to devise the perfect plan of attack based on which one of the men attacked first.

The air cleansed his lungs; cooling down his blood and allowing himself time to calm down. Anger was one of the greatest and most powerful emotions when going to battle, he was aware of this, yet he also knew that it seldom helped the user to the fullest extent.

He found that a clear mind was more efficient for the task at hand. These men actually thought they had a chance and felt pity on their souls for they believed they would walk away unscathed if they attacked him.. He kept his eyes surveying each of them, silently praying for the lord to have mercy on their souls.

He sighed under his breath. He hated this. Killing men. He was utterly repulsed by what he had to do if it got serious. He was utterly repulsed by what he had already had to do when things had gotten to serious.

Then again, that was the way of the world, death. Killing was human nature. Although some people never actually carried it out, the urge to kill, the NEED to kill, was there. Lurking in the darkest areas of the soul, body and mind, that need existed.

"Let that man go," he spoke calmly while inspecting his hands. They stood silent and tightened their grips on their weapons at what he had said. He knew this was a bad situation to be in, however, he couldn't just get up and run. That would only spell death.

"Let that man go." He repeated more sternly than at first. He was on the verge of giving these men a demonstration of what was to come if they decided to push him that far. He smiled instead. "Listen, he said walking over to the first man who was in front of him. "I figure we can this the easy way," he spoke while placing a hand on the man's pistol. "Or" he began with a hint of anger in his voice, "We can do it my way." He smirked one last time before he transmuted the piece of weaponry into a small steel block, which the man allowed to drop to the ground.

Ed looked at the man and almost chuckled. If his jaw had dropped anymore it would most likely be on the ground as well. He could see a drastic change in his eyes as well as his spiritual aura. His eyes showed a new emotion: fear, and the amount of energy this man had been generating, which had once been as raging as a flash fire, was now no more than a mere spark.

Each man had the same look and they each came off as the cowards they really were. One minute they had been ready to attack, assured that the number of them insured victory. They had however come to realize the arrogance of this idea that they held so close to their hearts was a mistake they had made to soon.

"I'll allow you to have some options," he spoke with a hint of humor in his voice running a hand through his hair. "You leave now, you live. You fight… well you get the general idea," he motioned to the ground before returning his original position of having his arms crossed. "The choice," he grinned "Is yours. Choose wisely."

Each man looked over to the one who stood next to him and they each managed to exchange small looks, expressing their votes through optical signals. They made sure that they each had taken a while to sort out the decisions and Ed stood there, silently watching with slight interest in how they managed to have their own "language."

He was watching them for what he felt to be nearly five minutes and he was growing tired of the delayed reaction he had been hoping for. He wanted these men to shake in their boots. Run home with their tails between their legs.

He could feel their desire to kill him growing; along with the idiocy that housed itself in their brains. He knew these men were not going to flee, for they would have done so already. No, these men were going to fight, attempt to win. They were just deciding on the best possible method of attack.

He however had his method of attack selected in his mind. He could here the years of his training and experience in the martial sciences screaming inside his head. Whenever he went into battle, the voices in his head coached him, instructed him, with past advice, allowing him to prevail with little effort. When he went into a fight where the chance of survival was low, the voices thundered as loud as ever, threatening to split his head in half, from the inside out. He always attempted to end those sorts of confrontations quickly, so as to end the pain.

He was waiting for the first sign of attack. Then he would make his move. He surveyed the situation from all angles possible and he knew that the best plan of action was defense. These men would all rush in and that was when he would finish them off. He was going to use their own force and sizes against them. It seemed ironic that the very strengths upon which they lived would be their downfall.

He worked on blocking out all of his childhood memories so he could accomplish the deed upon which he had set out to do. He refused to dwell in the past, especially since it couldn't help him now. He needed to be in a state of pure calm, where he could be at one with the monster in himself. The past only made him see what had been and it would only create hesitation. In the time it took him to make a decision he was most likely dead, therefore he needed to make clean, quick choices. He needed to forget his innocent childhood. Without it he was ruthless, cold… a warrior. When the last man was dead he would recede back to normal and the world he had once known, been a part of as a child would carefully and painfully show him what he had once been and what he had become over a lifetime of distrust, hate and pain. It always did.

He hated the irony of the whole world. As a child he had tried to create life through alchemy and by attempting to do so he now was destroying it. The fact that he had lost his brother, his leg and his arm all had led him to this place, after all. Had the horrible childhood events never happened, it was safe to assume that he would be leading a very different life, as a very different person, at least he thought so.

He was upset that he let himself dwell on what could have been, because wallowing in self-disgust wouldn't change anything. He could whine about it all he wanted, when he awoke the next morning nothing would be different.

He felt his right shoulder pop and he held himself back from flinching. He didn't want to show these men any weakness, since he knew they would be eyeing him up for one. Five men would have to look at every aspect to even dream of challenging just one alchemist. They weren't going to flee; yet they weren't going to rush into battle either. They were trying to play it as smart as their simple minds would allow them to.

He was in the middle of blocking out the pain from another series of auto mail to organic adjustment when the first blow was attempted. The man who was closest to him attempted to make contact with his jaw, however he easily avoided it by leaning back on his right foot as his left foot was in front. The fist missed his face by an inch or two and he smirked as he threw himself into his own position of attack, kneeling down and jabbing the man in the stomach.

He could see the other men rush in, for what he believed to be an attempt to hold him down. He grinned as he made a fist and landed his left foot upside the next mans face and landing his right fist square on the others nose. Blood poured from both men's nostrils.

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He stared off into space as she placed a hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beating, pulsing with the life that was in his body. She was thrilled that he was alive and she knew he would be there for her from now on. However she felt as if they were evil. She shook the feeling away, for it was over. She was selfish she thought yet she smiled knowing that even though it was wrong, she would do anything in her power to save him. To love him.

She never wanted to let him go. She knew that with what had happened in such a short time of him coming home, any day something could claim him as a prize for the underworld. She was neither ready nor willing to let that happen and if any one tried, she was ready.

They were going to grow old together, have children and die together, happy. No one was going to take that away and she was going to make sure of that.

"It's funny," he spoke after nearly ten minutes since he had started to tell her the story of what had happened that night. He had stopped after he had told her a little about the fight he had with those men and she still wanted to know more. After all, he had destroyed those men. She needed to know what happened exactly, not that it would stop her from loving him.

"It' funny," he laughed without any emotion, "That… no matter how hard you try… the life you live is nothing like the life you chose. No matter what you do, the only way to escape is…death." He whispered. "However," he laughed, "Sometimes, being alive, is worse than being dead."


	8. Chapter 8

He hardly felt that he could explain the whole story in such a short time. After all it was only common sense that condensing months of complicated problems would take a little while longer to clarify than a few minutes.

This was no ordinary tale and she knew that as well as he did. This would take hours, maybe a couple of days. Sometimes, when he tried to sort it all out, he felt as confused as she must.

Glancing towards the trees behind him he sensed the life darting around in the safety of its lush greenery and the birds softly sang their melodies high in its canopy.

He had decided on a hill that over looked the military base from a safe distance, while a small forest stood to their backs allowing easy concealment if they even felt they had been sighted.

While suspicions would be low the tensions of the town would be high. He was almost certain that Rizenbuhl would be deeply upset at the loss of its hero. Since Full Metal, had been destroyed he had come to realize the true nature of what was to come. He smiled at this thought; life had great potential.

The many faces of the state would be revealed. Whether it be the good, such as Mustang's selfless desire to change the future of the country by providing a fair and just ruler or the darkened secrets including the corrupt and power greedy ranking officials of the military, the people would know.

He knew that mustang had tricked him into doing just as he wanted. Even while he would have rather left Mustang to handle his own dirty work he was aware that things would have ended the same way. The only difference was that based upon the facts and realities of this outcome, less lives would be loss and the state would be considered good in the eyes of the people. Changed, but they would be perceived of as good.

He wasn't entirely sure if the people were ready to accept this and he feared civil war. That was one thing he didn't want because it threatened the safety of this whole new world. He hated to think of what would happen if he lost what little he now had.

He shrugged the feeling off; what was to be was what was to be and there was no changing it. He could only hope. That was all there was.

He glanced over at her and he felt his thoughts shift to the night when he had met those soldiers in the mountains and he could still feel the battle as it waged in his mind.

Consciously he hated every second of it, however a part of his mind, deep in the dark had relished every blow. Every death. He felt sick to his stomach when he began to think of it and that was what upset him the most. The fact that he had committed that act spoke loud enough in his mind to make him aware that he was doomed to eternal damnation. He was not a cold-blooded killer and he had done those things. The fact that he had never been a sick and twisted man tugged at his mind, he had no reason, being as how he was far from crazy and demented.

Then again there was no just reason for the taking of a life. Certain cases were arguable but he could have easily rendered those men helpless. He would pay; of this he was certain.

He took a deep breath before calling back the memories. He waited for a few moments before exhaling and closing his eyes, attempting to focus.

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So easily he had taken three men out of the equation and the other two still felt the confidence they needed to rush in to save their fallen comrades. The one who was coming up first was rushing in with his mouth open, tongue hanging out and flapping about wildly.

Had the situation not been as dark as it had been, Ed would have laughed as his adversary, who looked like a dog; sprinted onwards with a slight hint of hope for victory lightly tinting the atmosphere around him.

As the man approached in what seemed like slow motion he could feel all his anger erupting up. After years of suppressing the rage, he was exploding and releasing it full force. It felt good he had to admit, to fulfill _HIS _"needs." This was the product of years of fear, doubt, hate, lost causes; loss of loved ones. This was for him; his revenge on life for what they had dealt him and these men.

He was hardly aware of what he was doing when the anger rushed forward, and he could feel his muscles tense at the anger and hate which was radiating through his veins. These men had no remorse for what they had done and as far as he was concerned in that moment he had none either.

He brought his right foot up underneath the jaw of the man and could see the tongue instantly become severed as he felt the mans teeth crash together before shattering and allowing his lower jaw to reach his upper, exploding his cheekbones.

The man went down limp after managing to stand for a few more seconds, eventually succumbing to unconsciousness and crashing face first into the earth. He was slightly glad to see the look of terror on the last man as he witnessed this and now stood motionless watching his companion drown in a pool of his own blood.

He was at a crossroad in his own mind about the ethical and morally correct decision that he needed to make. While all the other times he had killed in self-defense, this was nothing more than a release of the darkness he felt in his own soul.

While these men were defeated; one by one; he watched it all from what seemed to be a third person perspective and he felt as if he would be sick.

He was okay with the fact that he was killing these men, they deserved it, and he could feel the rage, hate and murderous ideals that they held in their inner psyche. He knew that these men would kill again, he could feel the imprint of bloodshed that was unique to their minds and he was able to conclude that they had intentions of a slaughter.

His mind was screaming in pleasure with the release of his power, his years of torment. As he continued to feel the energy burst into his physical being, he was amazed to find that he had not run out of energy yet and this scared him. He felt the need to stop yet he could not and began to grow worried that the devastation would never discontinue, and just continue destroying everything in his sight.

He was upset with himself; he had caused this. After years of suppressing his rage in mind as small "_steel balls_" and placing them aside in the back corners of his mind, he now realized that they had hardly ceased to exist.

Now after all this time he had a small pile of cannonballs in his minds ready to explode and consume him in pure rage.

He could handle that and he believed he could find away to correct that. He couldn't however help the fact that he was scaring himself. He was glad that at that very moment he was unable to look upon himself from the exterior. He would have gone crazy with terror and horror.

Of this he was sure.

He smirked as he clenched his fist.

He threw his head back and waited.

He laughed.

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As he made his way out of the mountains he was feeling sickened. He had just single-handedly slaughtered five men, who, while having received a chance to leave with their lives, chose to fight, dieing in seconds.

He had his hands in his pockets as he walked, with his hair hanging to the sides of his faces blowing ever so slightly in the wind. He kept his head down, examining the ground and he dared not to raise his eyes, for fear that the earth would disappear, revealing the world of demons having risen from the depths.

He could still hear the screams of the last man in his mind. He was sickened by the sounds of terror which resonated themselves in the dead mans voice. He had heard shrill cries of fear before, but never ones that he had caused in cold blood.

He shook off the sounds of the dead from his conscious mind, saving them for when he slept. He could always use new nightmares. After all, to him they were just dreams. He could live with it.

He was not sure of what he would do now, seeing as how he had killed state soldiers. That in itself was a problem. He was sure he would face a military trial, most likely resulting in death.

The fact that he had once been a state alchemist would no longer matter. To the state he was just another criminal, committing crimes against the "greater good" of the military.

With the thoughts of concern exiting his mind he became focused on the house that lie just over the hill. He could not tell Winry of the injustices he had committed; she would be revolted probably to the point of telling him to die. She would never understand.

He could see the lights of the kitchen, through the window and he was a little concerned as to why anyone would be up at this hour. He quickly dismissed it as none of his business; Winry and Pinako had their own motives for what they did.

He was able to tell that in a few more hours, rain would set in, washing the earth clean. The chill of the air was nipping at his neck, threatening to do nothing more than to annoy him.

He was a mere three feet away from the door handle when he stopped. He could feel eyes on his back and he was disturbed by the thought that he may have been under examination the whole night.

Spinning around he was barely surprised to find that he could spot a single being standing on the hill from which he had just come. While the distance was great he was still able to distinguish that the man was standing with his arms crossed.

Ed had no doubt that he had met the man before. He was certain it was the man from the road days ago.

He turned away and entered the house, assured that if the man wanted him he would have concealed himself rather than allow himself to be spotted. Ed was sure that was what the man wanted.

Making his way into the kitchen he could see Winry sitting there, her arms crossed. She glanced up at him with swollen eyes and motioned to the table where a small brown package lay.

"It's yours." She spoke lightly. "From Mustang."

He glanced at her before shrugging and taking a seat at the table across from her. He looked over at her and he smiled slightly.

She just stared.


	9. Chapter 9

She wanted to speak, however she found herself reluctant and unable to mutter a word. He stared at the table and she knew he was unsure of whether or not he should take the initiative and spark up a conversation. She was used to it, the silence. He would always be secretive, speaking only when it proved necessary.

She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms as she watched him continue to examine the table with false interest. She was a little upset by the fact that he secluded himself so often, yet she knew that he had lost his family and she also knew that even if he hadn't, it would be foolish to expect more than a few words at time.

She glanced up at him and snapped her fingers, resulting in his eyes meeting hers. She gasped slightly as she tried to contemplate what she was seeing in his eyes. She could see the anger that lingered in his heart, through his eyes. She was always aware that it existed there, in his sight, yet she was taken aback to see the anger as he watched her, as if she was the cause.

She could make out despair, and she was sickened by the fact that he was always carrying that look with him. Nothing in life would ever relieve him of that and she was troubled at this. She wanted to see him for once with happiness dancing in his eyes, free from the grasp of his torment if only for a moment.

Behind the memories of his tragic life, deeper in his gaze she could make out the distinct looks of love, hate, rage, kindness and they each found a way of shining in their own unique ways. His emotions were floating on the surface and she was unable to determine why, which caused her to feel her own series of emotions, forcing her to dance tenderly on the edge of shedding tears.

Ed was an independent person, never relying on those around him, she knew that, and she hated it. She continued to gaze at him and found herself blushing as she wished that she could be the one he would come to, for comfort at night.

She looked away, hoping that he was unable to see the sudden rosy tint that overpowered the skin in her cheeks. She let her eyes drop to the ground in an attempt to hide this and she was upset to realize that he had already noticed and she felt herself angry to even believe that she could hide it from him.

She watched the floor with no reason other than to shed false interest in something as he had done earlier. She had no idea of just how long she was staring down, she did however know she wanted nothing more than to disappear to her room and sleep the night away. Let him forget what he had seen, so he could continue, unwavering as he always was.

Slowly she brought her eyes up to his, taking in every detail, in the area around her so she could stall for a while and allow the touch of color in her cheeks to fade away completely, dispersing from open observation.

The shift from floor to face was slow, which annoyed her, so whether or not the tint was gone, she brought her head up quickly smiling. She watched his face for any other emotions that may be lingering.

She smiled at how he would be so upset with himself for showing his thoughts. He would change his face into an emotionless scowl, refusing to hint on what he was feeling. He never wore his emotions on his face and to see him like this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

She gasped when she discovered the most drawn back, yet clearly defined look, which translated itself through his eyes. She had never dreamed of seeing that look, nonetheless directed at her.

She shook it off, feeling she had misinterpreted it. There was no reason as to why Ed would even consider the thought of longing for her. The more she thought about it the more it upset her, striking for two reasons. One, she felt that after all this time she should be able to read Ed like a book. It hurt to know that she overestimated their relationship. As for the second reason she could feel it drawing on her heart, as she realized, it was foolish to think Ed would dare look at her with lust dancing in his eyes. It was crushing her to realize that he would never look at her in that way.

She glanced back up to his eyes, to find the same look there, unfading, when she realized that in the time she had taken to dwell in self pity, he had made his way to her standing no less than a foot away from her, his waist at her head level.

He extended his right hand and she took it softly, while shivers made their way up her arms and into her shoulder shooting pleasure through her body. It was hardly a sexual reaction or impulse, it was the mere fact that he had taken her hand with his right one. The mechanical limb that she had designed just for him and now when they touched she was unable to tell that underneath the glove was steel. By the way he held her hand, it felt as if he were holding her with a real organic one of his own. That was the greatest feeling she knew, that all engineers longed for, the feel of satisfaction in her own work.

As she stood up he slipped his left hand behind her back, his fingers creating tiny circles in the small of her back, his fingers intertwining with those of hers.

He kissed her softly on the lips, causing her to close her eyes and lean into it. She began to attempt to deepen it, however he pulled away and began tracing kisses on her cheeks and down her jaw line, slowly, dropping to her neck where he lightly sucked and nipped.

She was unable to distinguish between the many emotions that now flooded throughout her entire being. Mixed pleasures and heat as well as passion and her own thoughts of lust and desire, swirled throughout her muscles, causing electricity to dance softly on her skin.

Bringing her right hand up to his head she began to trail her fingers softly through his hair, leaning her head back as he continued to kiss her neck, occasionally surprising her with small licks, which he flicked in the hollow of her neck.

She pulled away softly, carefully so as not to startle him into falsely believing she wished it to end. As he watched her eyes, she could feel the current of need that flowed between them both, attracting them to each other, leaving them no option other than to fulfill their cravings.

She leaned in beginning her own assault on his ear, nibbling on the lobe and kissing it before softly moving her lips to his neck, suckling the flesh, every so often raking her teeth on the skin ever so softly. She flinched neither when she felt his hands shift to her bottom nor when she felt him lift her off the ground softly cradling her in his arms, proceeding to make his way towards the stairs.

She was slightly worried as to whether or not they could make it up the stairs, without crashing to the bottom, ruining their romance and was surprised to find that they were already at the summit, outside of their rooms. She could feel him shift her lightly as he opened a door entered quietly and tapped it closed with his foot, proceeding to lay her down on the mattress, before joining her.

He lay over her, as they kissed deeply, passionately and she was able to feel him exploring her mouth with his tongue, frequently serenading with her own, leaving her wanting more of him. She struggled to remain in sound thought, which she found harder with every passing second, which after seconds of hard deliberation, resulted in her flipping him over and straddling his hips. She began to kiss him with her own level of intensity- which surprised her as to where it was surging up from- before leaning back and slowly lifting her shirt off above her head. Before she could however, he reached up and locked her arms with the shirt covering her eyes, kissing her once before leaning back and continuing to tease her with soft pecks on the lips.

After a few seconds he eventually let her go which to delight allowed her to regain control, with her hands on his now bare chest, she started kissing his neck again, every few seconds managing to grind her hips against his, which she now knew to be getting him aroused.

She could feel hands on her back which caused her to realize that for the first time, Edward had complete view of her bare chest, which excited her, since she knew that under other circumstances she would have covered up and allowed her wrench to become acquainted with his cranium. This was different, however than him accidentally walking in on her without a knock. Much different… and it excited her.

After a moment or two she could feel his hands kneading gently on her breasts and she moaned into his mouth, which made him jump, affecting him even more. While he continued this she began to undo his belt buckle, with trembling fingers.

"I love you, Ed," she whispered into his ear her words tainted with longing and the desire to be with him. She continued to undo the belt buckle when she had realized he had stopped, forcing her to pull back, he hands still on his belt.

"Ed," she whispered into the moonlit air," What's wrong?" she could see the pale light reflecting in his eyes and they were devoid of any emotion, the last thing she had expected to see.

When he pushed her back lightly, she landed on the foot of the bed softly, covering her exposed chest with her arms as she folded them. She saw the look in his eyes tighten, to a distressed scowl as he grabbed his shirt and flung it over his shoulder.

Making his way out the door, she retrieved her own shirt, returning it to where it originally was. She followed him through the front door, into the chilly night air, wondering how he could stand it with the tiny beads of sweat lingering on his exposed flesh.

"ED!" she called and was enraged when he didn't stop, keeping at a steady pace. "You cruel son of a bitch, how dare you do that!" she could feel the tears burning down her cheeks, her heart crushed. He had been lost in he heat of the moment until she told him what she thought he felt as well. "All you care about is yourself!"

He didn't even look back, which upset her the most; he could care less at what he had just done. He had shown her what she had always dreamed of seeing, and now he was walking away as if it hardly mattered.

"Fine!" she screamed as she continued to shed tears and gasped as a memory drilled it's way into her mind.

_"You always have to be so mean!" she screamed piercing his eardrums although he didn't show it. "Always! Well you know what! I hope you grow up and get some new friends because I hate you!" she shrieked before sprinting off away from him, from the pain._

_She raced home her cheeks stained with dried tears, angry at what had just happened. She collapsed onto her bed punching the mattress. "Stupid." She muttered softly, curling up. "Stupid."_

_"Winry," Ed spoke softly "Someday, somehow… someway, you'll understand. I promise." He dropped his head and closed his eyes. "I promise."_

_Many years had passed since that day and she still dreamed about it. She hated that day. Ed might not know it but she figured out what he had done, that day and for that reason; among others, she wanted to be there to comfort him. He deserved it, for all he had done; however she knew he wasn't one to want pity._

"Fine!" she shrieked, "Just run! Like you always do! Fucking selfish BABY!" she was shocked at what she had said but she felt she had every right in the world. How could he do that to her? She felt anger at the fact that he wouldn't even find her attractive enough to use her for the night. Why was he always running from her?

She could see him stop… and begin to make his way back.


	10. Chapter 10

She watched him as he strode back toward her and she felt her self blush as she examined his bare chest. She growled in anger upset that the lingering effects of their intimate encounter, were still reigning in her mind causing her to strip him mentally. It was the last thing she should be feeling, she knew it, but yet she had been moments away from, being with him.

While she had never been a woman to think dirty, she found it extremely hard to suppress the urge to punch him, and kick him and choke him and grab him and take him… she blushed once more realizing that she had allowed her mind to wander yet again.

She had always been told that women were not supposed to have such thoughts, that it was not lady like, yet the more she thought about what had happened, the more her fantasies ran rampant throughout her body and mind.

She found herself angry at the expectations of a woman. She found herself angry at the fact that, because, of her femininity she was looked upon as to have no sexual temptations, lying beyond her inhibitions.

She was now blushing even more fierce than before, convinced that if she knew he wasn't coming back to yell at her, and if she wasn't so angry, she would have been unable to resist the urge to tackle him and have her way with him.

She had never felt these feelings before, the desire to be with Ed in such a naughty way. She had always dreamed that she would marry him, yet she had never dwelled on the fact that if they had kids, they would have to participate in physical tests of endurance and stamina, to put it lightly.

Now after having tasted the fruit, she willed to have the tree. She desired to be one with him, to make him hers. She would not settle until he was hers, unable to ever be tempted by another woman. Blushing once again, she grinned at the thought that she would make sure he was never tempted to look at another woman.

She mentally smacked her self for her foolish ideas, as she remembered the full scenario, in which he had just discarded her. When she had told him what she felt, what she had believed in a small portion of her heart could lie with in his as well; he had stopped, proving he had no feelings for her.

Her anger bubbled back up, rising once again and surging full force when she could see him coming to a halt about a foot away from her.

When she caught a glimpse of his eyes. She slightly felt as though he was going to pick her up, whisk her away and make love to her, however she knew the true matter of the situation and refused to blush, instead scowling, as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Fuck you." he spoke harshly yet restrained which translated it into a loud whisper at the most. He folded his arms over his chest and stared at her, with rage in his eyes. She drew back afraid that he would explode on her with a barrage of screaming and insults. Pointing a finger at her he glared with shifting intensity.

"Go to hell." He spoke once more as he remained watching her. "How the fuck am I being selfish?" he leaned in so his finger was poking her shoulder, not hard enough to hurt or bruise, however it was hard enough to let her know that, at this moment, all he was seeing was his pure anger and no one else but her. There was no way he would let this go.

She could feel, the heat in her hand as the blood and anger rushed into a now presently balled fist. She shook her head, uncertain of whether he should receive her thoughts on the subject now or later. Tightening her fist one last time, and letting her hand go limp, she settled on the idea that he would find out later.

She snapped back to what he was saying, just in time to catch a "fuck you" and an "I swear…urggh!" she watched his eyes, scanning for anything other than the temper and sighing when she found nothing.

Pulling his hand away he once again folded them across his chest, and began speaking his mind again.

"Listen here," he spoke calmly with restraint in his voice. "I'm sorry that I did that, hurt you like that. But you have to admit, in the morning you would have regretted it." He trailed off before stopping with a sigh.

"You know Ed," she began at a small tone, which surprised her until she managed to find her voice lying dormant in the depths of her diaphragm, ", "You are so fucking dense! I swear! I don't even no why I bother worrying about you! It's completely obvious that all you care about is yourself! The belief that you could put someone else's, feelings, and their needs before your own is one of the stupidest I ever had about you! I think you like messing with the minds of those around you, toying with the thoughts that run through their heads, taking pleasure in their pain."

He looked drawn back after that last remark and she smirked, happy with his reaction. She wasn't going to be nice, play his game, give in to him, and feel sorry for him.

"I care about you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you, and I am sorry," he spoke softly before losing the tone and adopting one of firmness and outrage. "But, under no circumstance, no matter what the situation are you going to sit here, and tell me with a series of blunt words that, I find it irresistible to dawdle in the minds of the many and the few, manipulating and twisting their thoughts and then reveling in their psychological agony."

"Ed," she spat talking with her hands, feeling the need to do something with them, lest she strike him. "I honestly do believe that you wake up, smile to yourself in the mirror and decide on who your next victim will be."

He just stared, and she felt he was unable to think of anything to confront her with. She felt her happiness growing by the second as the mighty Edward Elric, the Full Metal Alchemist, was forced into a position where he had to think of what he was going to say, to ponder on her thoughts and not his; if only for a moment.

She felt her heart drop when she finally picked up the second emotion lying behind his eyes. While the rage and anger were dancing on the surface, she could detect hurt nestled behind them, visible for just a brief second when he opened his mouth to speak and no sound managed to derive from it.

After what seemed like forever in her mind, she finally watched as Edward placed a hand on her shoulder and she drew back away from it, letting it fall and hand limply at his side.

"Listen," he whispered, his eyes watching the dark ground, arms at his sides, "I don't know what to say." He looked up at her and she could see the temper gone, extinguished to be overrun by a series of rapidly changing emotions. Miserable was the word she'd have chosen to describe him. He was nothing short of it.

"You know what I see when I look in the mirror?" he asked he voice breaking up in his throat, as he tried to control himself. "I see… a man who wishes he was human, a man who feels the burden of his sins and lack of knowledge every time he feels the cold alloy of auto mail as it rubs against his skin." He laughed with a hint of lunacy in his voice. "I see a man who was blinded by ignorance, arrogance, persistence; whatever you want to call it, who finally realized that the price of a soul is far too great for the laws of alchemy."

"I," he began once again pausing shortly, "Hate myself. Do you really think that I only care about myself? How could I? The only thing that keeps me moving is the desire to die. I wake up with the will to live because I have the will to die. I just can't allow it yet, because I still have to choose whether I wish to die by my enemy's hand… or by my own." He paused again taking a deep breath and exhaling before continuing.

"My life is just a weight in the scale that tips between life and death." She frowned unsure of what he meant and he smiled in an odd manner, expecting that she wouldn't. "I find it ironic that," he spoke before pausing again to collect his thoughts. "After all I have seen; been through, I only realized it a short while ago. The fact that my life is of no value is the reason it is one of the most precious ones in this world."

"You self-centered bastard." She hissed, sickened and distraught at his egotistical speech. "Don't you find it at least the slightest immoral to stand here and say that your life has more value than the next mans? Who gave you the celestial power to pass judgment on yourself? As much as it ails me to hurt you, you need to realize that you are not standing at the gates of heaven holding the key; deciding who may enter; you're the one on your knees begging for entry, for a taste, an experience of purity."

"I speak of this without the ideals of a God, a Holy Lord, but of the simple laws of nature." He said, with plainness in his voice that suggested no emotion, staring at her with seemingly growing intensity, while taking her hands in his, to which even though she tried to, failed to stop. "I speak of this matter in the sense that fate is real, however only for a certain few, ones chosen by nature, to pay, to mend what has been broken… or made."

"So what are you saying?" she asked as she began to feel tears roll off her cheeks finding their way to the ground, returning to nature. "Ed, what do you mean the few?"

"What I'm trying to say is," he paused and she saw him bite his bottom lip, "That if I don't do something, eventually my fate will find me." He bit his lip again. Hard.

"I guess what I'm really saying is…" he trailed off as he engulfed her a swift and powerful hold, burying his face in her neck and shoulder, which surprised her and left her stunned not returning the embrace. "Don't love me," he whispered in her ear and she had a hard time determining if he was shedding tears or not.

She stayed like that for a moment while he held her, a feeling that she didn't return as she allowed thoughts of hate and anger to drift about in her head. Eventually she began to sob uncontrollably as she realized what he was asking. The mere fact that he could do that to her, in a matter of minutes have her feeling his pain should prove to him that she was not going to be able to let go so easily.

Sensing this, he let go of her and turned around after softly kissing her on the lips and mouthing a "Please hate me."

She watched him as he walked away; his shoulders slumped, head low, emotions gone. He took long steps, however the depression that lurked in his mind seemed to extend in to the fabric of his muscles, making him seem to progress quite slowly.

Falling to her knees, she repeatedly punched the ground until she could feel nothing in her hands, crying quietly, watching him as he walked away, never looking back, unfaltering.

She smiled as she looked toward the sky laughing with all the air that she was able to muster before, with one last, meaningful breath, she screamed as loud as her vocals allowed to, piercing the cold night air, with an unrivaled passion fueled with hatred.

"Damn you," she whispered while rising to her feet and watching the far hill, although he had already traveled over it. "Damn your idiocy."

!#$&()!#$&(!#$&()!#$&(!#$&()!#$&()!#$

Yeah I know that you all want more action. Fear not for in the next chapter it begins to take shape and maybe certain things will become clear. Such as certain chapters. Next chapter will be longer. Peace, I'm out for the night.


	11. Chapter 11

He strolled at a moderate pace, faltering every so often as he felt his automail shoulder crack, causing him to wish, and hope that if it burst off again it would at least have the decency to do so at another time. The fact that it would, even if only once, was just more fuel to consider his hypothesis. If it could do it once there was always the lingering chance that it could; and at the worst of times; happen again.

He had heard of strange cases where the body forcibly rejected the installation, and the attachment fell off as well as other tales of the automail being poorly made and as a result eventually ended in the prosthetic limb rusting, infecting the tissue and as the infection began to grow, it would push the body and mechanical piece apart, separating the connections between the human nerves and those of the electrical wire that ran throughout the length of the steel attachment. Other bizarre occurrences included the bone and muscles attempting to continue to heal and grow a new arm, thus forcing the artificial limb to break off.

It was this reason that some people refuse to get automail, hoping that one day their arm of leg would just phenomenally appear from nowhere. He found the general idea to be entertaining, if you placed your life in the hands of miracles, which caused him to always laugh, because it dwelled on the theory of spontaneous creation which, he knew to be proven wrong a long time ago.

The thought that an arm or leg could reproduce, regenerate was unacceptable, impossible. While reptiles possessed the uniquely rare ability of performing this feat he knew it to be caused by a chemical that they possessed which stimulated growth. At least that was what they taught him when he was in school. For all he knew however, that could be a lie, just as God was.

He preferred mobility to the idea of sitting and waiting for his arm to reappear after a few years. He couldn't bear to sit and waste away, not just yet. He had to make sure certain aspects of "business" were taken care of, for the sake of future generations. He had to make sure that his suffering never befell upon another soul and seek out a correction to the curse.

But then again, he would never be able to ensure it, due to the fact that no matter what he did, there would always be people who broke the laws and performed human alchemy, out of love, desperation… need. It was funny actually, when he thought about it in depth and applied his beliefs to the matter; he always came to the conclusion that nature had a sick and twisted way of balancing things out. The ones who committed the crimes would bear punishment as well as those who were created for the purpose of balancing it out. He always felt his heart sink when he thought about those who would suffer for what he had done.

He walked for a while, examining the area around him, which was covered in the light of the pale moon and he felt like he was swimming in it, being weighed down by an invisible heaviness. He could feel the exhaustion of his previous engagements beginning to take toll on him physically, which in turn caused his is mind to struggle within itself, screaming back and forth, assuring him that he was right by stopping Winry, while the other half told him he had made a tremendous mistake and would suffer the consequences.

He could hear the aggressive and animalistic tone of his sexual desires whispering harshly into his brain that he should have spared no time in achieving what he had been so close to. He could hear the voice coaxing him to return, kiss her, hold her, and do other sorts of things that he felt he should have done and would have done, being pleased to do them. While he was certain that he could never ask her forgiveness for what he had done he was surprised to notice that, only slightly, did he feel sorrow for his actions. He had honestly wanted to keep going, however he felt his mind screaming at him that he was in the wrong, in every aspect of the situation.

He shook the thoughts off and took a seat under a tree in the cloak of darkness that was cast upon the earth due to its extreme height, from years of life. He placed his arms behind his head and stretched his right leg out so it rested flat on the ground while, his left leg stayed bent and retracted so he had his foot planted firmly on the ground. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and smiled softly, aware that he was being followed for the past few minutes. He leaned his head back and took one last look at the stars before closing his eyes.

The night brought with it the veil of shadows that he always found to be comforting and could hardly help but feel, at least the slightest bit relaxed as he sighed and figured he should wait for the stalker to appear. Eventually, he figured if he stayed in the same spot for a long enough time, they would get the picture and reveal themselves, saving him the trouble of flushing them out.

While he wanted to avoid any more confrontations for the remainder of the night, he also felt his blood boil and he desired for a chance to release his anger, unleash himself upon an unsuspecting enemy. Either the enemy, he concluded, was experienced and had watched him, examining him gathering information that they would know to be crucial, or, they were foolish idiots that had no idea who he was and were trailing him for no reason other than to rob him. Maybe it was neither of those answers. Maybe they were just in the mood for a midnight chase.

He himself had done those sorts of things; stalking an unsuspecting person in the middle of the night to sharpen his stealth skills, and it was because of that single reason that he knew he was being followed. He was on a secluded path that was barely ever used and while he had traveled the path earlier, he knew someone else had as well. Hours earlier he had trekked this way and he had encountered spider webs which, stuck to his face. Although he had traveled it earlier, there were no new spider webs in the way, while there should have been, from the small arachnids weaving their new silk traps.

Some one else had been this way and by the looks of things, not that long ago. Twigs were snapped, branches torn down and dead leaves kicked up; pointing in one direction, where he had come from. The person was foolish and clumsy or they wanted him to know which way they had gone; where they were. He decided on the latter, seeing as how they had made it obvious as to which direction they had arrived from and at which time, seeing as how the leaves that were kicked up were wet. So they had passed through when no sunlight was out, for the leaves would be dry if it had been daylight. And the spider webs would also be intact.

He sighed, tired as fatigue scratched at his eyes, trying to coax him into resting for a few minutes or so. Closing his eyes for a moment or so he was the least bit surprised when he glanced upon the figure that now stood before him. Looking up with one eye open, he remained calm and he smiled when the man offered him a hand up. Pausing for a moment he reluctantly accepted the offering and rose to his feet folding his arms.

He looked around and after a few seconds was sure that this was the only one who dared to approach him.

Taking a good look at the man in front of him, he was able to be sure that it was the one he had seen days ago on that old dusty road and a no less than a few hours ago. While the mans image had never left his mind, he was slightly different as he was in civilian clothes, his ponytail draped over his left shoulder, the array shimmering in the moonlight.

They both watched each other, the intensity growing with each passing second and heartbeat. Ed could feel pulse of life in this man and he was startled to find that it was great, however he was disturbed to find also that, it was lightly tainted with darkness. The battle of their minds waged within their eyes, which now glistened in the night filled air, with the immense strengths that they held with in the inner most chambers of their brains.

"You know Full Metal," he spoke peacefully into the environment, which, was due to the hour, and area carried far past Edwards ear, "I still have to figure out why, the most famous alchemist the state has ever seen just up and quit." He smirked once he finished and tossed his head causing his hair to fall off of his shoulders and rest in the middle of his back.

"You know," Ed frowned, his head tipped and watching the stranger with one eye through his bangs, while placing his hands in his pockets, "I don't take kindly to those who know about me, when I don't even know there name." He picked his head back up and folded his arms once more, scowling with distaste in his eyes.

"Well if I may speak rather bluntly," the man said while he smirked in his own unique, discomforting way, "I believe you might say that we are, despite are differences, nearly one in the same."

Ed stood there, absorbing what had just been said and he smiled lightly at the thought. In all of his adventures so many of the enemies he had faced had attempted to claim that he was like them, which annoyed him rather much. The thought that he was on the same wavelength of life as them was enough to enrage him. As far as he was concerned, be the situation against him in odds or favor, he was unique, and nothing like them. He was one who could not afford to compare simple aspects of past or future, for he had transcended to a state of higher being, with his experiences.

This was a situation he rather much disliked, as many of the opponents he had faced were twice as deadly, he found, when they claimed similarity to him and his methods as well as his bloodied past. Those who felt that they had all the problems and skills of everyone else, yet no equals were the ones who proved to be great warriors, worthy of the title, that they attempted to claim. Some were weaker, while others darker, but whatever the reason or standing of the person they always proved they had no purpose in life other than to kill.

Ed was not one to be easily disturbed by a simple statement, however, with the first look, in this mans eyes, he could tell that, this like all others was going to be a long night. He nearly shivered at the thought, "_A long, DARK night…dark indeed… oh yes… dark indeed."_

A/N hey sorry that took so long, busy months, anyway hope you enjoy, I just wanted to take a break hopefully, things get back to pace sorry it wasn't so long- the chapter I mena- any ways try to update soon. _Peace._


	12. Chapter 12

The wind swirled around them, dancing with its reluctant lovers- the leaves- caught in its tight embrace, commanding them unjustly and cruelly, yet lovingly and understanding of their fragile need to be caressed.

"So," Edward spoke softly, "Tell me, just what do you intend to base your claims on? How are we alike? Does my blood beat in your chest? Do my memories exist in your mind? Do you feel the emotions I do? Do you long for the nonexistent feelings that I do?"

"What do you mean?" the stranger asked, head cocked to the side a frown on his face. "Do you mean, do I feel shame, guilt, anger at the fact that I, could have saved an entire village, had I contained myself? If that's what you mean, then no." He smirked. Moving closer he stopped a few feet away. "Because if that's what you mean," he dropped his voice to a slight whisper, maintaining a disturbing grin on his face, "I lost those emotions- those **_curses_**- a long time ago."

Edward was frozen with confusion. How did this man know about that? He had covered that up, persisted forward, and staggered in his shame and guilt. That was right after Al had been… killed, and he had… lost himself.

He shrugged it off, feeling as though he could sweep it away. Clenching his fists, he was sure this man was more than he seemed. Edward felt his stomach churn; there was something familiar about this man, too familiar.

"So," Edward spoke, his arms folded, "How about I become formally acquainted with the man who seems to know so much? After all, I wouldn't want to… do something out of paranoid suspicion."

The man cracked his neck, slowly and took a step back. Turning his back to Edward, he placed his hands atop his head. He held the position for a few moments before taking a few steps forward. Spinning on his heel he moved toward Ed again, stopping nearly three feet away.

"As you may have already guessed," the man spoke with a hint of insult in his tone, "I am a soldier of the state, an alchemist enlisted with the army, possessing the honors and privileges of the state and so on and so forth." He smirked. "But then again, what good does it do to preach about the beauty and glory of the state? You should know all to well."

"Don't insult me. There is no beauty, nor glory to be found within the state, only lies, deceit and evils even I would rather not encounter." He placed his hands in his pockets. "So, if you don't mind, I'd rather be graced with your name, before you press on with your criticisms of my intellect any longer."

"You really are impulsive. Haven't you figured out that, all the answers you seek can be found, by just knowing how to talk?" he chuckled "Oh well, I'll comeback to that in due time. As for other things, my name is Randesille Hetumy, known by friends and family as Seal, by state and foe as the Mirage Alchemist. I leave the decision of names up to you."

"You sure do have a way with words." Edward mocked, "So, seeing as how we both now, know each other… what do you want? Pardon my frankness but I think that time should be managed wisely and I have no intentions of prolonging this encounter longer than I have to."

The trees were blowing and wailing, their branches waving wildly in the wind. The darkness that still encased their physical existences was unrelenting and Edward was growing upset by the fact that he was still standing there having a conversation with a man whom he didn't know. Whether he was a friend of foe, Ed was still sure that he didn't want to bother with taking the time to find out.

"Look," the man, Seal spoke, "I didn't come here to make enemies, I came here to reveal some things to you that I feel you should know." He tapped his fingers together as he began walking in circles. "First off, this alchemy thing, this lie that the state has been spitting through its fangs for years is growing old. Whether you want to believe it or not, a war is coming, and I'm afraid to tell you that you, will undoubtedly be at the front line. You also have to realize that this hasn't just started, this has been brewing for decades, the state just needed… you."

"What do you mean?" Ed asked, moving to a stump and taking a seat. "What do I have to do with any war? What can I possibly do to make any difference?"

"You have everything to do with this war." Seal was rubbing his eyes now. "The balance of power is in your soul… it was in your brothers as it was in those before you, who attempted it."

Edwards's head immediately snapped up at the mention of his brother. "What are you talking about?" He could feel the blood as it surged and pulsed through his veins.

Looking around Seal surveyed the area for a few moments before leaning in, despite the gap. "I'm talking about..." Giving a last glance around he dropped his voice to a whisper "I'm talking about… Human Transmutation." He glanced around and looked as if he was ready to flee, as if the mention of the forbidden alchemy would unleash hordes of the stated soldiers, intent on arrest and trial. "That is the key, to freedom, it always has been… only you know how to do it… I have seen it."

"Look," Edward began in disbelief, "If you really did see what occurred that night, I hold pity for you in my heart, and however you have to understand, I don't know how to do that again. I don't think I ever will. I **_pray_** I never will." He shook at the thought of the occurrence, pushing the thought from his consciousness; he focused on the present state of affairs.

"You don't understand the severity of this entire situation." Seal stomped his foot into the ground. "I have been brewing this for years."

"What?" Edward was in disbelief. What exactly was he brewing?

"You see, Ed" Seal began with a smirk on his face. "Everyone has only their life, the force that pushes them day after day. It's the only thing anyone really, truly owns. You however; your brother, your teacher; have no life that is honestly yours."

"What do you mean?" Edward clenched his fists, tired of the short answers, which caused many more questions. They were of no help at all; it was if he were saying nothing at all, providing only words holding no meaning.

"Well, myself, everyone else… your pretty blonde haired friend, her grandmother, everyone else, owns their own life. Completely natural. However, certain things are unnatural, not fitting in the structure of nature's web. There have been occasions throughout history where, **_things_** have been created. Because of this the balance of creation is set off from the scale and every few decades, sometimes nature, throws in a pebble or two to even her side of the scale." He smiled grimly, "You are a pebble, as was your brother."

"How does that work out?" Edward was confused, trying to understand what he meant.

"You know the Homunculi, they were created with no exchange of equivalency, so nature seeing a crack in the structure, created a few souls to even out the balance. Hence **_your_** birth. You exist as a balance."

"So I hold no significance in life?" Edward choked.

"Oh no," Seal smirked "Fullmetal, you are the most important thing **_Alive_**. The important thing, as time will show."

A/N sorry that took so long, been busy. Hoping to update soon. Hope you like this chapter. Don't worry, it all adds up in the end.


	13. Chapter 13

Ed was furious with the unfolding events. This man knew too much for comfort and he didn't like that. But perhaps what deeply tore at his inner being was what this man was. This man was the embodiment of what Ed was trying to escape, to extinguish however, without removing life.

Ed was slightly disturbed and came to the conclusion that this encounter would only provide the key to a wide variety of doors soon to become visible and unlock able. He longed for the swinging of those barriers on their hinges and yet he found himself fearing what would be unleashed. He was having a hard time absorbing the chunks of reality that were being forcibly shoved into his mind.

"Look Fullmetal," Seal spoke as though he felt something bordering on friendship "I'm going to take my leave now, after all, if I stay any longer I just might end up saying too much. And as I see it, where's the fun in that?" He gave Ed a small smile and a hearty laugh.

"Wait," Ed spoke, his eyes on the ground and his fists clenched "How did you find out about that night? How could you know?" He could feel his blood boiling, dwelling on the appalling memory from that night in which he had tried to bring Al back, he had almost succeeded.

"I was there in the diner. I saw the whole thing… the whole thing." There was a hint of joy lingering in his eyes which surprised Ed. "I saw how they treated you and your brother, the way you taught them…"

"That was a mistake," Ed spoke hoarsely his knuckles white as they clenched tighter together, "I never wanted it to happen like that…" he felt his heart as it began to skip beats in his chest, feeling as though his ribs could not contain it.

"Maybe I'll see you again, that is if you prove yourself worthy of attention." Seal spoke and with a smirk and crack of his neck he spun and proceeded to walk with his hands in his pockets.

Ed watched him make his way into the distance and struggled with his body as it became victim to a series of twitches which engulfed his arm and sent muscular tension to his fingers, reverberating back through his left arm and down into his right leg.

He began to remember and cursed himself, he wanted to forget but now it was in his mind and he knew it would not settle until it had gained its wanted recognition. Frowning he allowed his body to relax and he folded his arms as he slowly began to walk back to town. Keeping his eyes closed, he could feel the memories swirling in his mind banging at every block and barrier he tried to establish. Finally he gave into the demanding thoughts and allowed them access to his undivided attention.

After he had managed to get Al's body back, he had been transported to the other side of the gate with no way of getting back, and it had driven him nearly to the point of insanity. There was no alchemy, no way of performing it, no study of it. That side of the gate provided all the energy needed for the alchemic reactions in his world and it disturbed him enough but still, he missed it.

While he had been in that world he had spent a great deal of time trying to find a way back home. However he had attempted many experiments, tested theories, and he resorted to trying to take his own life, hoping he could manifest his energy into physical form as it was passed through the gate, with no such luck.

For years, he searched and still he was unable to secure a path of transport to get home. He became old, withered and heartbroken, and he allowed himself to become consumed by the rage and anger that lurked inside, growing and culminating in the deepest sections of his soul giving him fuel to persevere, to find a way.

For far to long a war had been raging in this world that Ed had begun to reluctantly accept as home. The war, rivaling that of the Ishbalan extermination was something that Ed could never have believed man to be capable of. It had surpassed that of the Ishbalan campaign in many areas: destruction, duration, and evil, something Ed felt there was less of in his world.

Ed found it hard to believe that in such a war a new word would be formed. Ishbal was a massacre; this was termed Genocide. The word was forged from evil, and solely meant, the extermination of innocent people because they were different. There was no philosophers stone, no homunculi, no alchemy… no reason for the war. Yet the war was existent and responsible for so many deaths.

On the night of August 06, 1945 he found, a shining light, rather a shining death, yet an answer nonetheless in a test field of shattered dreams and failed experiments. The war was just days away from an end and while Ed felt remorseful for all the lives that had been lost, he felt a certain wave of hope.

He had acquired a taste for the art and form of science, what he believed to be this world, this Earth's form of alchemy. However he had come to the conclusion that equivalent exchange held no place in this world. A solid and liquid could be combined and produce a gas while the original ingredients still existed.

With the dropping the nuclear weapon "Little Boy," Ed had realized that there was a form of energy, un-controllable by man. While the fission of atoms that the bomb operated on was impressive, Ed was determined to successfully produce fusion. After many nerve racking months of nights with little sleep he was sure he had reached a method of transporting himself to Amestris. The only set back was he would need a doctorate in nuclear physics. While this upset him even further, he persevered.

After a fifteen year period of theories and tests he was sure that he could successfully create energy great enough that he could force the laws of physics to transport the form of pure energy, with him, to the other side. So he implemented this tactic, revolving on the idea that if he could control fusion he could create a wormhole to pass through. Ed managed to create a chamber in which he could safely fuse an atom of positively charged nitrogen with a negatively charged atom of oxygen. He theorized that the result would be a highly supercharged form of nitrous oxide. However he was hardly worried about the outcome only if he could make it home or if he would be stuck in this plane of reality for eternity.

As he walked across the dark countryside he grew angry that he had spent such a great deal of time trying to return when after only a few weeks he and Al were to be separated again. Maybe he and Al were never intended to be able to live and exist as normal people, brothers. Why were they so cursed to be doomed by fate? It was utterly unfair and when Al was taken a second time, Ed found an anger inside he never knew existed.

He had been returned and had located Al, it wasn't hard. After they had been reunited, they had decided to head to Rezembul, stopping at a diner a couple miles away from Izumi's. From the dank, dusky presence of the place, Ed should have known something was up. However he allowed himself to become enveloped by the joy of being reunited.

They entered the small building and at first glance it appeared as though the place had been ransacked by thieves, engulfed in a tornado and been stuck by lightning at the same time. Maybe it had been at different times. They made their way to the back of the small, smoke filled tavern and took their seats at a booth against the back wall.

Reluctantly and mainly from Al's assurance, Ed stood and made his way to the bathroom. Ignoring the burning stares, Ed continued making his way along. Every so often he would meet the eyes of someone who intended to glare at him and when he looked back he smiled to fining that there would be a gasp and they would abandon their previous notions.

The last thing he remembered however was entering the bathroom and feeling a hand with a cloth snare itself around his nose. Trying as hard as he could to stay conscious, he found it to no avail as he succumbed to the drug and was whisked away to the world of darkness.

His head was pounding, lights and sounds fought for control of his mind and soon the two began to mingle to form the world of perception he was used to, however not before taking its toll.

Straining to stand, and falling many times, he soon found a wall to lean on while he pushed himself up. Making his way through the door he was at first shocked to see that all the men were looking at him with worry in their eyes. However the more he searched their faces, the more he became aware of the present situation. Malice danced, while hatred serenaded.

Making his way through them he headed towards his table and was enraged when he came across the sight before him. He had turned away for one fraction of a second and when he awoke he was startled to find that Al was lying on the ground in front of him, motionless and lifelessness lingering in his eyes. All Ed could do was fall to his knees and clutch Al to his chest, whispering in his ear.

"Look," spoke one of the men "We had no part in the murder of your brother. We were minding our own business, when a man appeared and sat with him they exchanged some words and without the slightest bit of a hint the man killed him, put a knife through the poor boys heart." He stopped speaking when Ed rose to his feet and waited a few seconds before adding "The man left right afterwards, before you emerged from the bathroom."

Standing up Ed clenched his fists. He had waited far too long for this, to be reunited with his brother, and now he was gone once more returned to the other side. He slowly turned around anger and fury began to cyclone in his head, threatening to rip apart his conscious mind.

"You will pay for your evils," he whispered "Every last one of you…" with that he turned around grabbed the man closest to him by the throat. "Never again will your treachery spill… never."

After that he had blacked out becoming lost to his own demons that culminated inside his heart. He had never wanted to kill as much as he did that night. And yet he wasn't sure if he had killed those men at all. Perhaps that was what continued to tear at his mind, he was almost certain he had condemned those men to a fate worse than death.

Scratching his head he shook off the thoughts and continued to make his way back to Winry's. He had to clear some things up with her if he was going to fulfill his plans. He needed her by his side; he only hoped she would understand.

The walk back seemed longer than it had before and he braced himself as he made it to the door. She would be furious, he knew that much. Could he get to settle down long enough so he could explain? Perhaps not but he was determined to try.

Besides after all their years of friendship he had learned on thing: to get on Winry's good-side you had to wait; wait until her bad-side was done pummeling and punishing you.

Sighing he placed his hand on the door and slowly opened it bracing himself for whatever she could throw at him.

a/n sorry once again that took a long time, I've been way to busy. On another note I cant verify the whole nitrogen/ oxygen thing, however the whole thing about the atomic bomb is fact.


	14. Chapter 14

She was sitting alone in the kitchen with a drink in one hand and a wrench in the other. Occasionally flipping the wrench in the air and catching it proved to be a suitable diversion from what she really wanted to do with it. Anger was still lingering in her muscles and the look she wore upon her face, she was sure must be terrible and yet she did not want to make Ed's return any easier, so she wore it as spiteful token to him and his idiocy.

Taking a sip of her drink managed to quell some of the demons that danced about in her head, providing some relief. She took a look at the glass before extinguishing the idea of downing it all. She was not a fool and knew that small amounts of alcohol could get rid of certain emotions; however large doses could destroy her memories and then beating Ed senseless, would be senseless. No, he would feel her wrath.

She sat for along time in silence, waiting for him to return and she found her eyes growing tired. She could not allow sleep to overpower her, Ed needed to know how much of and idiot he really was and she wanted nothing more than to be the one to show him. The path that he walked didn't always have to be a lonely one; he had made it so, and at some point tonight she was going to make him aware of how foolish he was acting.

"Stupid, ungrateful ass…" she sighed into her hands before resting her face on her arms and quickly allowing herself and her tired, bloodshot eyes some relief through rest. As she allowed herself to drift away she could think of none other than Edward and how foolish he really was. The whole charade was child's play. Going the distance alone didn't always have to be the path he walked. True, experiencing and learning by yourself helped you to be a stronger person. Ed however, didn't need anymore reasons to be a stronger person. To him allowing someone to help you was as shameful as asking them for their assistance.

She didn't know how long she had waited, in silence and anguish for him to arrive and after what seemed like and eternity of struggling to go and find him, she finally settled down and decided the best course of action was to wait. He would come back, he always did and he would pay for it as he always did. Clutching the glass in one hand and her wrench in the other she began to look intently from one to the other, as an idea hit her. Emptying the cup, she then proceeded to walk to her toolbox and place the wrench back inside.

Smiling wickedly she dug around inside it until she finally came across what she was looking for. Hiding the instrument in her pocket she went back to her seat. Upon doing so however, she glimpsed the emptiness of the cup in front of her, and made the final decision of filling in again so it could finish the job it had been elected to do. She gripped the glass in her hand and made her way to the counter where the bottle was located, filling the glass. She downed a large mouthful before filling it to the brim a second time and returning to her seat, continuing to scowl at the door.

She hated being angry like this, but anger was one of her most powerful emotions and she admitted this as well as realized the only way to get it out was to vent it on the thing that had sparked her rage. This time, as it been so many times before it was Ed and she was prepared to make him realize just how unhappy with him she was.

She waited for another hour or so and was jolted to reality when she heard the door handle begin to click slowly. Smiling, she continued to watch as Ed tried to enter with the stealth of a cat. Had she been upstairs or perhaps in a different room it would have worked. This time however he was her prey and she would pounce when he least expected it.

"Ed,' she began with his back turned and she watched him stop and slowly turn around, unaware she was even there. "I just want you to know…" She became silent when he turned to face her. He made his way to the chair opposite her and sat down taking a deep breath, blocking his eyes from the light with his hand. She could not believe the look of disbelief upon his face. She found herself feeling sorry for him and after a moment or so she remembered that she was waiting for him for a reason.

She could see the shock in his face when she leapt across the table in an instant, striking him in the jaw. She smiled as her anger channeled through her arm into his face. He barely moved and she knew it caused him no physical pain.

He sat there watching the ground, unable to bring his eyes to her level. She could tell he felt that he deserved it and she grew angry, deciding he wasn't going to choose her side and walk away unscathed.

"Ed, take off your shirt." At this he glanced up at her questioningly, almost debating between her and the door. Seeing this, she walked to the door and securely fashioned the locks. "You'll make it through that door when I'm through with you. Now, take off those layers." She placed her hands on her hips scowling as he continued to watch her with confusion. After a few seconds he let his muscles relax and began to remove the few layers that covered his upper body. Tossing them aside, he waited for her, anticipating what she had planned.

When she made her way over to him she lifted his right arm lightly and began to oil the hinges. "You know," she now spoke softly. "I promised to be the best mechanic I could possibly be. It allows me to help you, but make no mistake I did this for myself, not _you_." She spat the last word with venom so there would be no misunderstanding. They weren't on talking terms. _She _was talking and whether or not he wanted to hear it, he was going to and silently at that.

"I tried to be the best, so that you would have something to look forward to when you'd come home from wherever you were. I wanted to give you something no else could give you. Through my auto-mail I hoped you could see the luck you have had. I wanted to give you a way, to find a way to set your demons aside… and live." There were no tears as she said this and he was glad to see she would shed no tears on him. "But, I have started to realize, that these pieces of metal, my gift to you has become your new path towards self destruction." As she spoke she proceeded to remove the long skinny rod she had from her pocket, placing it in a small hole on his right shoulder near where the skin and metal met, she twisted and smiled grimly. "And I won't have it." There was a click.

At first Ed was confused; he was lost in his own world. He was intending to tell Winry everything that had happened tonight and he had reached the conclusion, halfway through her speech that it would be a futile effort. There was a second click and realization as well as terror began to rapidly spread through the course of his mind and body.

Looking over at his right arm he was unsurprised to see it slowly pushing away from his shoulder.

"Winry," he whispered, "You can't do this… not now." He looked up at her and found there to be no sympathy in her stare.

"Yes, I can." She smirked. "Now lift up your pant leg."

"Winry, please you don't understand." He began in a futile effort.

"Oh? I think I understand well enough." She spat as she inserted the tool at the right point and with a few clicks his leg followed suit, just as his arm had and he sat down in the chair behind him smiling. She made her way over to the corner and grabbed him an old crutch. She looked at him with blank eyes. "You can stay the night, but you had better be gone before dawn." She turned around and took a few steps before stopping. "I built your auto-mail because you needed it Edward. It was your choice, not mine. The only choice I made was that I loved you; because I chose to; not because you needed it." She paused and he could tell she was being choked by tears. "But now, because you need to be free I choose to give you that and so I relinquish my love for you and sever all ties between us."

She exited, dimming the lights. As Edward sat in darkness he felt as isolated as when he first lost his limbs. This time however, Winry was crying for herself, and he could hear her until she finally fell asleep; at which point he strolled off into the fading night.

He grabbed the package from the counter.

As he crossed the countryside he began to consider his options. Auto-mail was a priority but he was steadfast in his decision that only Rockbell's finest would suffice.

There was still so much to do: helping the people of this town, finding out just what exactly the military and this Seal character were up to. Then there was this Winry problem. Without Auto-mail he was practically naked. Not to mention that package from Mustang.

As he tenderly tore the outer layer off, he was unsurprised when a letter fell to his feet. He picked it up, reading it as he hobbled.

_Dear Ed,_

_I know it has been a long time since we last saw each other. While many difficulties have tested us both and I find myself wishing you in good health (height included). There is much we need to discuss as matters on my end are growing tight. There are many things to be said which can only be accomplished face to face. Lets not waste anymore time; you know I like to make a flashy entrance. So, simply put turn around. Did you turn around? I'll bet you did! How stupid could you be? That was joke. I'll see you soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Roy Mustang,_

_The Flame Alchemist._

Edward crumpled the piece of paper tightly in his fist, a cynical grin crossing his face.

"You know you'll pay for those don't you, Roy?" He spoke into the dawn air. He turned around to face his old "trainer."

"With the condition you're in?" Came the laughing voice of Mustang.

"So, what's so important?" was Ed's abrasive retort. "And make it quick."


End file.
